brief 3-5 P essay-hoping to gain from experience at CBU?(academic, social, spiritual)

( I am struggling on what to write. Please make suggestions on what to add, change or help to make it flow better. other thoughts?)

Important: Do not use this essay or ideas within it because that constitutes plagiarism and your acceptance to CBU will be denied!

Through my experiences at Cal Baptist University , I hope to grow and mature into a sophisticated, well-rounded woman. Cal Baptist offers many different aspects on campus that allows students to reach their full potential.

God plays a role in my life now, however one of the many reasons I am applying to CBU is to become closer to God. Living currently in San Diego, moving away will force me to quickly take responsibility for myself and my own actions. I will learn to depend only on myself and God to lead me in the right direction. I believe God can help me find out who I am and what my purpose is in life.

I am a determined, passionate and caring young women and would like to pursue a career helping others. The classes, both academic and spiritual offered at CBU will help me begin building a foundation for my future career. My biggest passion in life is working with kids with disabilities, both moderate and severe. The variety of courses offered will allow me to figure out how I can positively influence and help others.

Also, I hope by attending a school this size hat it will allow me to be involved in multiple activities on campus. I love to be involved with other students and feeling like a part of the school. I plan on making many new friends that will be influential for the rest of my life. Friends are there to talk to, to get advice from, and to be your support when your In need.

You have the right idea, and you are on the right track. One thing I really like is how you emphasize the importance of god- however I would talk about your goals/career in the first paragraph, then go on to talk about what God means to you. Explain that an atmosphere of good faith and morals is where you feel like you belong.

moving away will force me to quickly take responsibility moving away will give me the opportunity to take responsibility

Keep talking about your short term and long term goals in life. Expand on how helping others is rewarding and makes you feel a sense of purpose in life. The university wants to know that you are a "person with a plan" Nice writing so far!