Hello all. I'm interested in applying to Georgia Tech, and I would appreciate any feedback on these essays.
1st) ... One essay at time please
2nd) Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? (max 150 words)
"Whether it be through participating in the UROP or collaborating with world-class innovators, Georgia Tech can provide the tools necessary for me to pursue my passions. Working with brilliant minds, such as Gabriel A. Rincon-Mora, discovering ways to improve upon inefficiencies in current circuit designs, will not only prepare me for a career designing microarchitectures for tech giants but also provide me an opportunity to refine society's current technologies. With such an emphasis on undergraduate research, Georgia Tech will allow my visions for an efficient tomorrow, of more specialized and energy-efficient hardware, to come to fruition by my own efforts."
Any feedback would be appreciated.
In your second essay you should give unique reasons on Why Georgia.
You have to mention what are the tools they can provide you to pursue your passions. I don't think mentioning names of professors in Why our college essay is a good idea, because there are many brilliant minds in many top universities.
You should give clear reason on how Georgia Tech helps you to refine society's current technologies. Don't take it wrong but everything you mentioned does not sound like you did research in knowing about the university.
I hope my suggestions help.
Best of luck!
Oops.
I left out the first paragraph for the second essay. Here it is.
"Inspired by an excursion to the Philippines, I realized how primitive technology, such as those found in ill-equipped classrooms, dominated people's lifestyles. My motivation to pursue engineering not only centralizes on the improvement of current technologies but the affordable proliferation of it to communities that are long overdue in receiving them.
Whether it be through participating in the UROP or collaborating with world-class innovators, Georgia Tech can provide the tools necessary for me to pursue my passions. Working with brilliant minds, such as Gabriel A. Rincon-Mora, discovering ways to improve upon inefficiencies in current circuit designs, will not only prepare me for a career designing microarchitectures for tech giants but also provide me an opportunity to refine society's current technologies. With such an emphasis on undergraduate research, Georgia Tech will allow my visions for an efficient tomorrow, of more specialized and energy-efficient hardware, to come to fruition by my own efforts."
First paragraph was suitable as an introduction but you need to change the second paragraph on Why you really want to attend Georgia Tech. You need to give a confidence to the committee that offering you a place in their university really helps in building your career. You need to be more precise in mentioning why you want to attend Georgia Tech, not only by saying it helps you in particular areas but also mentioning how it helps and how you are going to use it to build you career.
I hope you got my point.
