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Broadening perspectives of Irish culture,people & history;Study Abroad-Personal Essay


e0950542 1 / -  
Jan 8, 2013   #1
Can somebody read this and give me feedback?

Since childhood, I have always been captivated by travelling and exploring different cultures. I would read book after book about different countries and I just knew that I had to visit them all. By elementary school, I had made it my life's mission to see the world. Like the dreams of most children, it was ambitious. However, where most kids eventually outgrow these childhood fantasies, adolescence just strengthened my resolve. Studying abroad has been something I've wanted to do for years, which is why I've chosen to apply for the International Student Exchange program.

The University experience is about both personal and academic growth. I truly believe that the International Student Exchange program will benefit me in both areas. I am majoring in Political Science, and am planning on pursuing a career in politics after I earn my degree. The International Student Exchange program would definitely assist me in my chosen career path. I feel that this exchange would give me real-world experience and a deeper global awareness, both of which would be substantial assets in the field of politics. From an academic viewpoint, I am interested in taking courses on the political history of my chosen country, Ireland, as well as courses on International political history. I feel that by looking at these subjects from a different cultural perspective, I will gain a better understanding of the field of politics as well as the world at large.

I am particularly interested in studying at the National University of Ireland in Maynooth. The granddaughter of Irish immigrants to Canada, I have always held a personal fascination for the culture and history of Ireland. Some of my favourite childhood memories involve listening to my Irish relatives discuss the lush scenery and rich history of their homeland. I had the opportunity to visit Ireland once during my youth. It was a brief trip and I was too young to truly appreciate it, but I awakened in me a longing to learn and experience more about the land my family originates from. Living and studying in Ireland for an extended period of time would give me the opportunity to deepen my understanding of the country's unique culture, people, and history.
Dr Seus 1 / 12  
Jan 8, 2013   #2
First paragraph is good but you haven't clearly and explicitly stated WHY. - why were you attracted to traveling and exploring different cultures? - the cuisine, the lifestyle, exposure, new experiences? what exactly appealed to you? - perhaps the world and it's multifarious ways of living?

The University experience is about both personal and academic growth. I truly believe that the International Student Exchange program will benefit me in both areas.

how will it benefit you - give a concrete example, exposure = knowledge? learning various cultures and values enhances you're perception of the world and encourages you to be a liberal thinker?

i like the ending of your 2nd paragraph - the way you tied it all together.

The granddaughter

" As the granddaughter of..." instead?

but I awakened in me a longing to learn and experience more about the land my family originates from

I find this to be an awkward phrase. "but it awakened in me ...."

It would have helped to post the prompt of this essay...

all in all a good essay. However your last paragraph doesn't powerfully tie in with you're desire to study abroad, try and work on making the ending of your essay as or even powerful than you're begining.

Edit and post again so we can critique:)


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