"a broken home" - common app essay on a significant experience

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I found myself with a ball in hand that resembled a fetus only this was a kitten, covered in ants and on the brink of death, abandoned much like my life would soon become as my parents gave up. I had hope and I believed that this fragile animal in my hand could be saved. I felt the need, not the want, to take care of this animal. When the vet told me she had no chance of surviving I decided that I would take whatever chance I did have and risk it. My parents said it won't happen; friends and family who visited would only utter words of luck.

I knew the risk I was about to undertake. I knew what might happen if I didn't succeed. I knew there was a life on the line. I also knew there were much more capable hands than mine, but I felt it was my responsibility. Having to bottle-feed her strictly every two hours and giving her the essentials of life proved to be more difficult than I had thought, like any newborn the emotions of the infant were like a rollercoaster, taking rapid turns only making you want to get off but knowing both of you couldn't afford it. After she reached her first year I suddenly found myself in the clear as the worrisome days at school knowing she could only do so much on her own were over. Not only was a veil lifted, but she grew and developed, in a sense much like me. No longer was I being told she wouldn't make it, instead only silence rested upon my home as she cavorted about the house embracing me and her new environment.

Millie had to fight for herself much like I fought and still am fighting the battles in my day to day life. Of this experience I gained a life lesson. This milestone in my life would be part of who I am and how I act in my never ending struggle. What I gained were not the basics in animal health, but the essentials of surviving. This would be part of the pedestal I would use to defend myself against parents, overcome the trials and tribulations of a broken home and the places where the phrases "no", "can't" and "won't" seemed to be a part of everyone's vocabulary.

First sentence sounds awkward, you should try to change it. Maybe to change the word "ball". Also try to make it stronger.


I don't know want you mean here!


Maybe be more specific why your everyday is a battle. Do you suffer an illness? do you have family problems?... how that experience helped you to be stronger?

I think you have a good topic, but try to improve the way you describe it, make it more fluent and soft, and more understandable to the reader.

Good luck

I found myself with a ball in hand that resembled a fetus only that it was a kitten ...

I had hope and I believed that this fragile animal in my hand could be saved. I felt the need, not the want, to take care of this animal. When the vet told me she had no chance of surviving, I decided that I would take whatever chance I had and risk it.

Not only was a veil lifted, but she grew and developed, in a sense much like me.

Good luck