This is a rough version of my supplement; it still needs some grammar and word choice replacment. If you get the time to read the whole thing could any of you critique on my writing style and if it needs to be more personal? I wanted to make the writing more lively and sophisticated but I could find the right places. Also there is a section under the engineering supplement where I talk about building a new house as an egnieering experience-should that be included or is that too vague and unecessary?
Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1000 characters/100 words)
Who said you had to follow one direction in your life? Engineering students I met at Brown were heavily involved with research but many other outlets; one mechanical engineering student is also a performing magician. It even applied to the engineering faculty; when Associate Professor Janet Blume said she was in a band with the rest of the engineering department at Brown, I thought, "These are my kind of people!" Browns liberal curriculum for engineers will provide me a holistic education that gives engineers a stable scientific base mixed with global awareness. Though I still have some learning and working to do, my lifestyle and opinions are mutable yet firm; I am able to maintain an originality I can put my name on, but I am open to new ideas and opinions that I might have overlooked or not contemplated. Brown University is that place fermenting with different opinions, cultures, hobbies, lifestyles but with the common goal of learning, understanding, and contributing.
Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest questions above? (1000 characters/100-200 words)
The planet is stuffed with a multitude of societies and niches in which people from all walks of life live in. But in this generation, these places are being constantly bombarded with technological and infrastructural advancements: water is being irrigated in parts of Africa such as Uganda; those who have been restrained by blindness, deafness or immobility have been liberated through the advent of intricate surgical methods, beneficial drugs, and technologically-aided movement; and education and communication technology is beginning to reach even the most impoverished of places. These significant changes would not have come to fruition without the aid of passionate and motivated engineers and doctors. Not only their passion for what they do but their remarkable ability to effectively communicate and work with people outside cultural barriers. I believe Brown University can help me become this kind of engineer or doctor.
1. Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to an interest in the field of Engineering?
"Knowledge is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do" Ever since I read this quote from Tao of Jeet Kune Do by the late martial arts master Bruce Lee, I began to see my actions and my attitude in a new light. How can I manipulate the knowledge I have learned into a rational solution to some problem or a step towards some goal? And with that, what mentality or psyche should one have towards that direction or pursuit? It is through the medium (realm) of engineering in which I can capitalize on these visions. Throughout my lifetime I have been fascinated by the broad realm of science and all that it encompasses: animal biology, medicine, geology, astrophysics, and building; as a child National Geographic and the Discovery Channel were substituted for Disney channel. (connect something/transition) I was intrigued (mesmerized) by all of those areas, and now that I am gaining in knowledge and awareness through an expansive education, these wonders and fascinations are beginning to become truths and rationality; the field of engineering will put a capstone on my search for truths of the world and what they entail (what they are capable of).
2. What experiences beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?
3. Brown offers programs in Biomedical, Chemical, Civil, Computer, Electrical, Materials, and Mechanical Engineering. Because there is a common core curriculum within Engineering, students need not select a specific area until their junior year. We are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you. If so, please discuss that choice.
Biomedical Engineering is definitely the pathway that can answer that curiosity and turn it into reality. I got to see this engineering pathway in a full-on perspective when my biology class visited the Human Bodies exhibit in New York:, an exhibit that showed the complexities and systems of the human by using actual bodies. There was one section of the exhibit that displayed various prosthetic devices in the body: steel cranial plates, artificial ligaments, and replacement joints. It was as if the surgeon was acting as a civil engineer, repairing broken surfaces or bridges within the human body through introducing these metal and plastic parts. It made me wonder how they interacted with the human body and what sorts on modifications they could undergo in the future. The marriage of scientific and engineering principles to the laws and systems of the human body for the intention of helping those in need and improving healthcare is a clear and beautiful vision I see myself contributing to.
more personal? I wanted to make the writing more lively and sophisticated
It is not about imbuing the writing with particular qualities. It is about using the right qualities for the occasion. You should focus on an experience you want to give the reader. Have you ever read something that made you feel both admiration (for the writer) and inspiration (because the writer's way of thinking gives you encouragement to achieve something meaningful)?
...were heavily involved with research but also
with many other ...
I'll correct 3 things here: I have
acquired a taste for innovation, creation and problem solving throughout my lifetime
. Flash back to eigh
t years ago,
You did a great job of expressing enthusiasm and curiosity, personality... very good stuff. Go forth with confidence!! But I'll change one more thing here:
satisfy that curiosity and turn
ideas into reality. ---(no such thing as turning curiosity into reality)