Hi! I just finished my 'why brown' supplemental essay but I feel like something is missing but I don't know what it is. Your help would be greatly appreciated!
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Passionate about women rights, I find Brown's exceptional undergraduate International Relations program extremely appealing. The unique opportunity for me to choose between two tracks, "Political Economy and Society" and "Security and Society" the latter in which I intend to focus, is even more attractive, given the fact the IR concentration covers various departments including political science, history and psychology in the hopes that through these mutual efforts of integration, the resulting ideas can have ground-breaking reverberations, and true leaders well-immersed in multiple disciplines will emerge. I realize that these academic fields, when taken in isolation, are less effective to society and thus I am glad that Brown gives me a chance to explore these various areas.
Yet, perhaps the most important aspect of Brown education is that students are driven are driven by their sense of justice and enthusiasm to have an effect on those around them. Without this motivation to influence others, one cannot enjoy the fruits of education if one cannot see what positive influence it has. Looking to the entirely student run club 'Feminists at Brown' for inspiration, I am eager to disseminate my experience with women rights and my activism to the institute and to the surrounding neighborhoods. As a participant in women rights groups I have seen how the dedication of a small group many different women collaborating together can make major changes in the community. Brown has always been working on finding solutions to major issues and that affect the world, the works of Watson's Institute in making the 'Costs of War' project - a testament to Brown's long standing mission.
I want to be making a difference in my community, and working in Watson institute of International studies will allow me to do so. The Watson Institute of International studies has created leaders committed to change on a worldwide level. I find it remarkable that the like of Sergei Khrushchev work at the institute and that someone with actual political experience works here and students work directly alongside him. Being able to meet and even receive instructions from politicians of that stature would surely inspire me to work towards something special.
Due to my career aspiration it is important for me to choose a school that attracts students from all over the world, and Brown is renowned for its diverse community, one that breeds a sense of unity and collaboration among its individuals, both of which are the breeding grounds of novelty. With this environment of unity, I yearn to do my part in contributing to this melting pot of the world's different cultures, and hope to be exposed to infinitely many perspectives and backgrounds.
As a student, I cannot thrive on academics alone. Although I am not qualified for varsity tennis, I hope to bring my many years of experience to the Women's Tennis Club. I also aim to join student organizations like Amnesty International and Ballet Club, Brown to complement my intellectual pursuits while pursuing my interests.
I have a burning desire to benefit others with my knowledge yet I still lack the education and experience needed to benefit my community. I am ready to join this community of leaders, entrepreneurs and researchers who want to change, the place for future pioneers and leaders. I am ready to make Brown my home. I feel that Brown above all will help guide me to the life of adulthood I desire.
- Hadeel, try not to bore your admissions officer with filler words. Remember he has thousands of applications to read in a day so you need to get his attention the minute he picks up your essay. Go direct to the point and answer the prompt immediately. Delete these filler sections for the sake of improving your essay.
Now, here is the thing. You need to make sure that you tell the admissions officer about how you plan to utilize your time at Brown for the further development of your academic and social traits. The asks you "Why Brown?" and does not expect you to the AO about the traits of the university that he already knows about. Instead, you should be telling them about what sets Brown apart from other universities in your mind, in relation to your chosen major. This means that you should outline how you plan to conduct your academic life and how to plan to participate in Brown socials.
"Why Brown?" Talk about the student community and how you feel that you can make a difference or enhance the social experience and the student landscape of the university. Explain how you plan to do this. The essay wants you to talk about how you will be an asset to Brown and how Brown can help you further improve yourself. Academically speaking, mentioning some subjects or programs that you look forward to joining will help, provided you can explain why those programs are important to you and your major.
Is there a chance you can try to revise your essay using my suggestions? I'll help you polish it so that it can better adhere to the requirements of the prompt :-)
Hello,
This essay does not tell the adcom anything of substance. You just skim the top in terms of providing real reasons why Brown is the best school for you and not another college. Why is Woman's rights important to you? Why is the option to pick between Political Economy and Society" and "Security and Society of great importance to you achieving your goals? As you have it now, you could find what you are looking for at pretty much any top ranked college....The question remains Why Brown? We can help - Admissions Advice Online
I agree with admission2012. Your essay would benefit from you talking about why women's rights is important to you, which make you stand out more as an applicant. There is much elaboration needed as to why these programs at Brown would be beneficial to you
