Please critique! I'll return the favor as well!
"And that's the Summer Triangle!"
I scuffed the ground as the kids oohed, following the astronomer's index finger. My father had quietly taken me out here, at the Alley Pond Environmental Center's astronomy session, surrounded by kids, after my sister and mom fell into one of their usual, heated arguments over nothing. Frustration gnawed at my mind as I thought of the querulous duo. I felt even angrier standing beside my father, who had recently taken up drinking and smoking again. All I could think of was how stupid they were, how stupid people could be. Why did they insist on fighting and hurting themselves? It didn't matter what their motives were; the way they were outwardly acting was foolish.
It was my turn to look through the astronomer's monstrous telescope. I didn't expect anything special; the skies around here were heavily polluted. I saw a cluster of plain white dots, one being especially bright. Before I could grunt unappreciatively, I choked when the astronomer chuckled, "Say hi to Jupiter!"
Bewildered, I scrambled back to the telescope, nearly knocking aside the next kid. This time, I focused my sight and really tried to see, my vision piercing through the polluted skies. I gawped; the brightest star had a beautiful, fire-red hue. That "plain" star was a huge planet?! This was the first time I ever saw a planet, and I hadn't even realized.
"Amazing, right?" I glanced to see my father's smile, and I couldn't help smiling back.
Seeing Jupiter taught me how blind I was. I should never dismiss something because of initial appearances. Thinking of my mom, dad, and sister, I felt guilty that I had judged them so rashly, like I had with Jupiter. If I took the time to focus and understand, I may see the truth under the surface. I stopped judging based on what something appears to be, because with a little effort, I might find the gorgeous planet underneath that star.
It is good and the story behind it is really good. The few corrections I made were just to get rid of contractions, which you should avoid in formal papers as a general rule. I also changed "fire-red" to "fiery" because I thought it was more descriptive, but all my comments are just suggestions. Your essay is descriptive and well-written. Read it out loud to yourself to make sure that no parts of it sound awkward. Good luck!
