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Brown "Everything that I do not know" essay response


starfire 1 / 3  
Nov 1, 2010   #1
I would really appreciate if someone would give me some really deep and creative feedback on the topic and content of my essay. Grammatical corrections are welcomed as well!

What don't I know is everything.
For a huge part of my life I had a different worldview. I thought that I knew a lot, and that the little I did not know, I could learn easily. Today I could write a nametag that said "naïve" right on my chest.

During the refreshing spring of my Junior year, I decided to take a college Physics class. I had studied Biology, Chemistry, and Mathematics before, how hard could a little Physics be? Besides that fact that the room was actually air-conditioned, I was in for a big surprise.

Physics undermined my entire perception of the real world. I thought I understood how to walk, or how to put a book down, yet here I was learning about normal force and inertia. Simple everyday tasks that I had congratulated myself for being able to accomplish, crumbled like stones in my mind. Even though I found the concepts destructive at first, I learned to see the knowledge as humbling.

If I do not understand the basic motion of a pendulum, how can I say that I really know a plethora of topics? I decided that I needed to reevaluate what I did and did not know. I ended up studying some ancient philosophers to find a basis on what I do and do not understand.

I now follow Rene Descartes philosophical reasoning. Doubt everything. By doubting everything, I cannot know anything. The only thing I can know is myself. Because I can think of myself thinking, I am real.

Because I know that I am real, I can only "know thy self." By knowing myself and practicing theory and practice, I can strip away the fickle assumptions of my old way of thinking and uncover the tangible truth. This is why today I can comfortably write a nametag that says "enlightened."
swimmer400 4 / 10  
Nov 1, 2010   #2
Hi,

I like this essay because it is different and creative.

"I ended up studying some ancient philosophers to find a basis on what I do and do not understand." This sentence is awkward. I would suggest shortening it. Instead of saying "what I do and do not know," you may want to say "theory of knowledge."

The last sentence appear to be a little bit arrogant. I would write something more humble to show that you are still "growing."

I didn't really understand what you meant by "I found the concepts destructive at first." What do you mean by destructive? Perhaps change your diction.

Your essay might benefit from showing an additional anecdote of how your new "enlightened" self prompted you to seek another intellectual or extracurricular journey or experience.

Overall, I would say that this essay is effective in showing your positive character and gives a lot insight to your personality.
OP starfire 1 / 3  
Nov 1, 2010   #3
Thank you for the thorough review! I will take it to heart.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2010   #4
What don't I know is everything.---I don't know if this is quite a good enough way to express it. The abstract question they ask can have many answers, and I think 'everythinig' might be unnecessarily simplistic.

This is a cool sentence: Today I could write a nametag that said "naïve" and wear it right on my chest.

Maybe you could do this:
What I don't know is anything.
:-)

During the refreshing spring of my Junior year, I decided to take a college Physics class. I had studied Biology, Chemistry, and Mathematics before, how hard could a little Physics be? Besides that fact that the room was actually air-conditioned, I was in for a big surprise. Omit that meandering, and get right to the good sentence:

Physics undermined my entire perception of the real world. I had thought I understood how...---This is a great way to start a paragraph!


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