Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


Brown - global community, practice makes perfect, a competitive gymnast


lk0124 3 / 3  
Jan 1, 2011   #1
Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (max 1000 characters)

Brown has always been among my top choices of colleges to apply to. When looking at colleges, I was looking for a college with high academic standards, a wide variety of courses, great athletic opportunity and a global community. Brown has all this to offer and still remains my top choice. This summer I visited Brown and this only increased my desire to be a part of the Brown community. As I walked around the campus, and to the athletic centre I began to visualize myself as a student at Brown. I saw how ti would be the perfect place to pursue my intended goal of research in sports medicine while being involved in extracurricular activities such as intramural sports and debating or even trying something new. With the many options at Brown, the possibilities are endless. My cousins Karima and Salima Rasul who also attended Brown have also had an influential role in my decision. They describe their experience at Brown as outstanding and I have also seen the opportunities accorded to them as a result of the excellent education they received. Since I am an avid athlete, I was even more convinced that this was the right college for me when the academic director that Brown has not only a great academic standard but also a great athletic program. With a career in Sports Medicine, I know that I will have to be both strong academically as well as athletically.

Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest questions above? (max 1000 characters)
As a competitive gymnast, it amazes me how the body can bend in ways that you would not think are humanly possible while at the same time carrying out the functions it does. I really enjoy biology because I see it and can apply it on a regular basis. Volunteering in a rehab facility combined with my education and experiences has also made me interested in the field of sports medicine which I hope to pursue. I see significant potential for research in the area of risk prevention and performance analysis as a method of prevention. Having studied in a French environment for 12 years, I have grown to love French and therefore decided to write my extended essay as part of the IB program in French on an aspect of French culture.

Essay: What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why? (500 words max)
In November this year I was part of the organizing committee for TEDxIBYork which was an independently organized TED conference by my school. Amongst the remarkable speakers from across the world there was Dr. Greg Wells, a human physiologist and Olympic analyst. Wells' analysis during the recent winter Olympics was aired on television and immediately caught my attention. As a competitive athlete, I have heard all kinds of tips from practice makes perfect to believing in yourself is the key to success but one I had never heard before was the importance of dream setting rather than goal setting. This was interesting to me and initially did not make sense because whenever I have heard athletes talk it is always "my goal is to make it to..." It may be the Olympics, but it may be nationals or even regionals, but it is always about a goal. Trying to dream set couldn't hurt could it? I walked into my gymnastics training the next day with dreams rather than goals and I had one of the best weeks of training. On a daily basis, I overcome fear, pain and surpass my limitations. The moment you start thinking about dreams, it is no longer about reaching a specific thing and weaknesses have less impact. There may be little 'goals' along the way but ultimately when you start dreaming the possibilities are endless and you feel less pressure. This is one of the best advices I have been given and something I strongly believe in.
CrimeanGurl 1 / 17  
Jan 1, 2011   #2
I think the first essay needs some polishing: Your reasons seem good enough but the language in which you explain them seems not very sophisticated.

I think this would sound better:
In addition, Volunteering in a rehab facility combined with my education and experiences has also made me interested in the field of sports medicine which I hope to pursue.

The last sentence of your second essay seems completely unrelated to the rest of the paragraph - you need some transition.

The last one is pretty good! I like it the best.
swoosh18 4 / 40  
Jan 1, 2011   #3
If you can, lengthen your responses so that they are all at least half of the word limit.
TheFreeMason11 6 / 54  
Jan 1, 2011   #4
Yeah, this language is not very engaging. I get lost and have to reread lines. Add some humor and emotion to make it pop a little more! Other than that, it seems well polished, as I didn't find any kinds of grammatical errors. Keep working on this and I think you will do fine. Good luck!


Home / Undergraduate / Brown - global community, practice makes perfect, a competitive gymnast
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳