Why are you going to college?
Comment: I don't even know if I should write of this topic. Everyone's answer is going to be the same. So, I tried to do something different. Even though I'm saying the same things, I wrap it in imagery and such. Be as harsh as you want. Do you think it works? Thank you!
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I stumble in a foggy, distorted world. As I crawl forward, I see an old bridge. I know little of it , but I know it leads me to a clearer world. I take this chance to move from one world to the next, moving plank to plank.
The first plank instills a sense of practicality. At one point, college is a means to an end. It is necessary to go to college to reach my final destination as a doctor. At a high school level, I cannot comprehend the immense complexity of the living world. I need to develop higher thinking skills and to gain more knowledge. I also need that bachelor's degree to enter graduate school. This plank is necessary, but least important.
The second plank offers a sense of delightful trepidation. College is a time of personal development. I am no longer sheltered. I can take responsibility for my actions and handle consequences through my own abilities. There are no parental safety nets. If I fall, I will have learned a valuable lesson that leaves a lasting impression. This plank molds me, and I need it to become successful.
The third plank broadens my vision. Only college can offer the unique experiences of learning abroad without worries of the real world. I have always wanted to see the world and its people and cultures. I care greatly about diversity and wish to use this time to make myself more worldly. This plank opens my eyes, and I will need my eyes to navigate in a brand new world.
The final plank gives a sense of closure. High school was a time of impractical knowledge. There is a disconnect between the student and the textbook. The working world is one of practicality, where nothing is ever done just because. College is the perfect mixture of the two. Here, the world of ideas collide with the world of practicality. This last plank connects me to both worlds and I truly need to tie the two together.
I have reached the other side of the bridge. Although short, it has led me to a land of opportunities and prepared me to face whatever the world throws at me.
That was really good but I would fix the intro because I had to think about what you were talking about like reword it. The ending wasn't as dramatic as the rest of the essay.
I know little of it, but I know it leads me to a clearer world.
This plank molds me, and I need it to become successful.---I like the way you write!
Only college can offer the unique experiences of studying abroad without the worries of the real world.
High school was a time of impractical knowledge. There is a disconnect between the student and the textbook. The working world is one of practicality, where nothing is ever done just because. College is the perfect mixture of the two. Here, the world of ideas collide with the world of practicality. This last plank connects me to both worlds and I truly need to tie the two together. ---I really like how you put this together, and also the great insight.
I like this a lot. It is out of the ordinary, but that makes me happy, as I feel some days, that I read the same essay over and over. Thank you for giving me an interesting one, written with some imagination! Good luck with school!
:)
Thank you very much!
@ Jaineel I was trying to make the front a bit mysterious because the actual topic is so bland. Did I do it for too long?
Again, Thank you :) Also do you think a distinct voice is prevalent throughout this essay?
Chang
I think this was brilliantly written and it will definitely make the AOs happy considering there probably gonna get a lot of the same ordinary sounding answers. Good use of the bridge, I just LOVED this essay. I disagree, I thought the end was good as is, though it wasn't as figurative as previous paragraphs, I think it embodies the purpose of college masterfully. Other than the grammatical errors pointed out I can't find any. Good Luck!
Hope this helps! & if you wouldn't mind could you take a look at my common app. essay. Thanks!
Thank you. That makes me feel a bit better. I'll go read yours right now!
I hope I'm not doing something illegal. Someone told me the bridge metaphor was a bit hard to see. Is this true? Did it get boring during the middle?
Chang
I do not think the bridge metaphor is hard to see at all. Plus the way how you describe it also explains it, so I think its pretty unambiguous.
I don't think its gets boring either.
Thank you very much! Some last questions (sorry!)... Do you think you get a good sense of who I am through this essay? Does the voice sound consistent? Is there a voice? Is it too short story-esque making it sound fake?
Thanks again to everyone!
I loved your essay! I also loved your metaphor!
I agree with ZhoeK, The AOs will definitely love your essay.
Chang
No problem glad to help. I think the voice is indeed consistent and it demonstrates your curiosity and excitement for responsibility, learning new things, and meeting new people. I don't think it sounds fake at all. & it also showed a lot of who you are.
Thank you very much! Good luck on your application!
