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Brown supplemental essay, that "perfect" one.


peacelovesarah 5 / 11  
Feb 7, 2010   #1
Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

With over six thousand accredited higher education institutions in the United States alone, how can any student sort through all of those to find that "perfect" one? But atop College Hill, standing amidst a beautiful campus full of greenery and classic architecture that took my breath away, my future became clear; I had found my dream college-Brown University. But that picturesque campus was a minor detail among the plethora of reasons I decided that Brown was that "perfect" college to spend the rest of my time as an undergraduate student. It is not simply the open curriculum which will grant me the ability to follow my passions while discovering some new ones along the way. It cannot just be the warm, friendly community of students and faculty that I will mesh right into. It is not just the high caliber of Brown students who will push me to work harder than ever before, to push my mind to the limit. It not simply the inspiring student groups such as the Brown chapter of Amnesty International or the Mali Health Organizing Project that I would love to be a part of. In the end, college is not simply a place to grow as a scholar but a place to grow as an individual. Among the diverse students I met on my visit to Brown there were a few things they all had in common despite their various different majors and future career plans; they were all enthusiastic, open-minded, and multi-faceted individuals who love their college. Being with people from around the world with different passions and dreams will cultivate intelligence far beyond the classroom. What I found at Brown I am yet to find anywhere else (and I have begun loosing faith in those other six thousand and something schools) and that is a place I see myself getting a one of a kind education at, a city I picture being my new home, and a community that I yearn to be a part of. Attending Brown remains a dream for now, but once that dream is fulfilled the door will be opened to fulfill many more.
essayvision - / 8  
Feb 8, 2010   #2
Hi Sarah,

I personally like your statement very much as it focuses on various factors not just on academics or any other skewed reason. Admission officers do look for students who are keen to contribute to their school not just in terms of academics but to its student body, diversity, and surrounding communities. Your overall tone of the essay sounds very enthusiastic and does display eagerness to be part of Brown.

The only part I would suggest editing is the use of word choices. For example, when you mention "It cannot just be the warm, friendly ...In the end, college is not simply a place to grow as a scholar but a place to grow as an individual." I realize you are trying to convey that school is not just for a place to study but a place to grow as a person. Try to avoid a "lecture" tone, which can bore the reader and may sound artificial. Instead, start with a more personalized tone such as "I believe that life as a college student not only involves academics, but also..."

Lastly, try not to over-do the comparison with other schools by saying "and I have begun loosing faith in those other six thousand and something schools", because the fact is there are definitely many schools out there which are also very fantastic and you don't want to sound too exaggerated.

Otherwise a great statement and good luck!

David
srandhawa 10 / 157  
Feb 8, 2010   #3
Isn't there a 1000 character limit to this? When I applied last month there was, I wish it were this long because I talked about much of what you did only I had to condense it significantly and couldnt get across a lot of the ideas and details i wanted to.

Anyway, this isnt bad at all, but I say this alot w/ these why this school essays on here, you're falling into the vague generalizations in the second half of the essay. The amnesty chapter and mali health organizing project are good, but frankly much of this is all vague stuff that thousands of applicants fill their essays with. You talk about the campuses beauty in the beginning, you'd be much better off mentioning one or two specific things like the brown library or book store or some park or thayer street or something like that. And this diversity student ideas is waaaaay overdone, unless you have a specific ex and can show how diversity will affect rather than tell, prob just a better idea to avoid it in general. And like the above poster said, the losing faith idea was probably pushing it. Just think for a second how many kids who apply are going to say brown kids are diverse, open minded, enthusiastic multifaceted and that like? Sooooooo many.

And since I dont like the vague ideas you use to describe the students, i def dont like how you set it all up to that one major point. I think the its not just this about the school idea you repeat gets kind of old and since none of these points really are specific, it really weakens the idea.

obviously this is waaaaaaay to late to be using any of the edits on this website, but good luck:)
OP peacelovesarah 5 / 11  
Feb 8, 2010   #4
I'm applying as a transfer student, so I don't know if that's why there is a difference in characters allowed. The transfer supplement says there's an 1800 character limit for this one. Thanks for your input- I will look into the things you mentioned :)


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