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Brown University carries my top choice of major: Development Studies.


zasif326 3 / 5  
Feb 28, 2015   #1
This is my first draft after deleting everything I wrote before and writing it differently. Due tomorrow-please help!

prompt: Please tell us more about your interest in transferring. Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (250 word limit)

Brown University carries my top choice of major: Development Studies. Although it is one of the few top schools to offer my major, it is the only school where I would feel motivated to succeed to the highest degree by pursuing my own education. It is also the only school with campus organizations where I would feel welcome in, and differing interests and ideas to allow me to learn new perspectives.

...

LoveNYU 2 / 8 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #2
"Although it is one of the few top schools to offer my major, it is the only school where I would feel motivated to succeed to the highest degree by pursuing my own education." simplify it, like "only Brown University can motivate me to succeed to the highest degree".

And please give me a help on my latest thread. Thank you!
vahid11 2 / 5 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #3
Brown University carries my top choice of major
I think "meets " is a better word.
Although it is one of the few top schools to offer my major "that "
Although seems in wrong application it should be "beside " or "not only ... but also "
It is also "Rather it is ..."
ideas to allow me "that or which "


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