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What is Brown University, I feel my essay is the worst..


pandora 6 / 19  
Dec 29, 2008   #1
I'm afraid this is probably one of the worst why essays I have ever written.
Does this make sense to anybody?
Brown:
Tell us about the academic areas that interest you most and your reasons for applying to Brown.
(1600 characters)

What is Brown? 150 parts red, 75 parts green and 0 parts blue, a football team I never heard of, or a screeching crazed pop-star. Essentially true, yet unorthodox. Unorthodox is no stranger to me. Ask me to gauge altitude via barometer and Unorthodox will whisper to my ears, "Barter the barometer with someone who knows." He takes his response to amusement because he knows the correct answer is the height-pressure correlation. This was his game, and it became ours by senior year. His game was played through every homework and test; 3^4 was the new 81, Felis Domesticus was the new cat, (this part edited because it has my name in it). He challenged me at anything from Homer's Odyssey to DC circuit wiring; every bit I found inspiring. Although I have yet to win, some day I will outdo Unorthodox at his own game.

Perhaps Unorthodox is no stranger to Brown University either; perhaps he is even their embodiment. He's the way students play building Tetris on their science library, the way undergraduates are architects of their own study or even the way they express freedom in their Jazz; his and their spirits in improvisation land. Every time I imagine walking into Barus and Holley, I think of the unorthodox in Brown robotics unveiling the shroud of vision-based kinematics in spatial coordination or in Brown physics innovating the world through their condensed matter and elementary particle research. Perhaps the game I have been playing is not so singular to me; Brown, you and me together, I say we shall win.
atomvik 3 / 14  
Dec 29, 2008   #2
kind of confusing. what is the 150 parts red, 75 parts green, 0 parts blue? this kind of answers the question, but just remember, under flowery and poetic language, if the main question is not answered, it's essentially useless.
Nichole_P 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2008   #3
I love the idea in this essay and followed it, but with some difficulty in parts. I think if you smoothed over the essay, giving it a better flow, it would be even more fantastic.

I love the examples of applying academics to details in your life. I think showing your unique perspective will help to argue your place in a fantastically diverse and "unorthodox" school such as Brown.

Good luck on your applications!
OP pandora 6 / 19  
Dec 29, 2008   #4
so in what way can this be remodeled or in what way can I change this.
Or does someone suggest to start over.
joke0611 5 / 18  
Dec 29, 2008   #5
i think it's good writing but you can never go wrong with being straightforward and clear

i didn't really understand what your academic interest was because you talked about sports and physics

if it's physics that you like talk more about physics and take the sport talk out because sports aren't an academic interest

and then maybe have another paragraph further explaining how unorthodox Brown is and use the specific examples you have and elaborate on it

hope it helps!
mbhaire 7 / 17  
Dec 29, 2008   #6
I think I understand the "reasons for applying to Brown" part, but I'm not sure you answered the "what academic areas interest you the most" part... Also, your second sentence is confusing. What is "essentially true?" What's "unorthodox?" Brown? I like how you personified Unorthodox, but you need to make it clearer and relate it to you.

Hope I helped :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 29, 2008   #7
What is Brown? 150 parts red, 75 parts green and 0 parts blue, a football team I never heard of, or a screeching crazed pop-star. Essentially true, yet unorthodox. I am no stranger to unorthodox style.

Ask me to gage altitude via barometer and Unorthodox will whisper to my ears, "Barter the barometer with someone who knows."

His response is amusement, because he knows the correct answer is the height-pressure correlation.

He's the way students play Tetrisin their science library, the way undergraduates are architects of their own study or even the way they express freedom in their Jazz; his and their spirits in improvisation land.

What are your main interests academically? Perhaps you should specify?

:)
quack09 2 / 23  
Dec 29, 2008   #8
dude this is the greatest piece of writing i have ever read..submit it now.

if your grades r the caliber of brown, they'll read it and like it.

VERY VERY CLEVER lol
OP pandora 6 / 19  
Dec 29, 2008   #9
on no kevin, its on their science building :D


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