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Brown University: Piano Academy, An intellectual Experience


Chanman 3 / 10  
Dec 22, 2010   #1
Prompt: Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you. (500 words maximum)

During the summer of 2009, I was accepted into the Indiana University Piano Academy. When I first arrived at the academy, I thought of myself as a good pianist-perhaps not the best, but nonetheless reasonably talented. Upon meeting the other students at the academy however, I realized that everyone seemed to be much better than me. Fortunately, my new friends and teachers noticed and helped me to realize just how to draw inspiration from the academy. I became thankful for these moments, and not letting the other students deter me from achieving what I came to the program to do-to learn music, and to learn it with fervor.

Before attending the piano academy, I thought playing music was a very intellectually engaging experience, requiring hours of practice, intense focus and discipline. I couldn't have been more wrong. After witnessing other students' performances I was speechless and immediately reconsidered many things I had initially thought about music. Discipline, focus and practice are simply the basic building blocks to many things, including piano. Passion is the key factor in any endeavor, whether you are an entrepreneur or even an NBA player. True passion for music, or anything for that matter, comes from the heart-no amount of practicing can change that.

People may claim that their research in science or their achievements in a math competition are examples of an "intellectual experience," but in reality, a heartfelt passion for their activities defines their success. A pianist that plays every single note correctly in a performance is not as successful as a pianist who makes a few mistakes, but plays with their heart and soul on their fingertips. Once I learned this important detail, my senses as well as my very being were invigorated and I could detect the difference in my music when I played. Without this amazing experience, I doubt I would have learned that the intellectual aspect of music not only comes from discipline, practice, and focus, but also passion, perhaps even more so.

Please critique my essay!

Thanks
zilunaju 4 / 10  
Dec 22, 2010   #2
I think you should specify in two or three words how your teachers and friends helped you realize how to draw inspiration from the academy.
read 1 / 6  
Dec 22, 2010   #3
interesting, but I think it's full of too many generalizations, like 'Passion is the key factor in any endeavor' -- it's also a cookie-cutter eye-opening experience essay unless you individualize it.

"People may claim that their research in science or their achievements in a math competition are examples of an "intellectual experience," but in reality, a heartfelt passion for their activities defines their success. A pianist that plays every single note correctly in a performance is not as successful as a pianist who makes a few mistakes, but plays with their heart and soul on their fingertips."

here as well, you're not talking about yourself, but a vague "pianist" in general and "people"'

you have to delve more into the specifics, things that are only about YOU, and could not be referred to about anyone else.

hope that helped. :)
OP Chanman 3 / 10  
Dec 22, 2010   #4
Thanks for the advice! I'll be sure to incorporate that.


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