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'to build my own standing' - roommate BABSON SUPP


ABP 2 / 2  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
Please comment and help me edit my babson supp! thnx

Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college:

Dear Roommate,

Hey, I just received my letter of acceptance and I am really excited about the prospect of going to Babson College. Since we are going to be roommates, I thought I'd write you a letter to introduce myself. Well, I am Indonesian and I've been living in Indonesia my whole life. A few more details about myself: I love playing soccer and have been playing since I was 9; I am also a part of the Varsity soccer team in high school. Moreover, I also have a passion in music; I play numerous kinds of musical instruments such as drum, guitar and bass. I enjoy playing musical instruments as I can really express myself through music for instance, performing in school events and in my church every week. Thus I want to apologize in advance, if I disturb you in times, practicing my instruments or juggling with my soccer ball, in our room.

Babson is widely known for its Business and liberal arts program. However, for me, Babson is more than just a respectable business and liberal arts school. Have you visited the Babson's campus? I have and I felt in love from the moment I first visited the school especially with the environment both in and around the school. I was already amazed when I passed the fine-looking golf course as I was still on my way to Babson and when I finally arrived in the campus, it intrigues me even more as the natural beauty of the greenery and the freshness of the air got to me. In addition, the fact that Babson College is made up of a diverse community and provides great numbers of events, clubs and athletics programs is a great fit for me because I have spent all my high school years in an International school. Also as I'm planning to continue playing soccer in college, a Babson division three soccer team looks very reasonable and I'd love to be a part of it. Combining all the factors together, I believe that the decent programs and the sensible attractive activities will help me adapt efficiently to Babson's Magnificent environment and help me achieve my academic and personal goals of being part of a Babson community and becoming a successful Babson graduate, since adjusting quickly to a new environment is one of the factors I believe to be successful when studying abroad. I'm sure that you will have no problem in adjusting to the school as well.

I want college to become a way for me to build my own standing. As I grew up with a bigger brother and sister, my parents are sometimes over-protective with me; thus, there is some nervousness in about studying abroad. Yet, I am certain this challenge will in time, after I adapt to the environment, alter my personality into a strong independent person. I'm also looking forward to meeting new people from all around the world as well as enjoying the beautiful city of Boston and in particular, the snow in winter! I hope this can help you get to know me better; I'm looking forward to hearing about you! See you in Babson!

Sincerely,

Your new friend
karissa_a16 4 / 94  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
Sometimes it sounds like you're just listing your interests and talking about babson. Read mine?
OP ABP 2 / 2  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
hey,

thanks for reading and commenting my essay, but can you give me advice on what kind of things I should put so that it doesn't seem like Im listing my facts?

n btw, both of your essays are very-well written, especially the "'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu'", it's very unique and interesting and I think the reviews that the others are giving you are great comments and I agree with it.

thanks alot, good luck..
cherrybomb94 20 / 44  
Dec 28, 2011   #4
Hey, I just received my letter of acceptance and I am really excited about the prospect of going to Babson College. Since we are going to be roommates, I thought I'd write you a letter to introduce myself. --these sentences are not very exciting; they're a bit redundant. Start off by just jumping into the essay!

Well, I am Indonesian and I've been living in Indonesia my whole life. A few more details about myself--don't need the "well", dont' need "A few more details about myself"; just cut out all the unnecessary stuff. Get straight to the point! :)


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