Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it. (500-650 words)
This is my essay for the University of Washington, I know it is rusty and I usually don't struggle this much with essays so please give me feedback!
When I first moved to the Pacific Northwest 6 years ago, I was absolutely mesmerized by Seattle. Never before had I seen a city that looked as beautiful, clean, or inspiring. I immediately knew that I wanted to end up somewhere just like it, if not Seattle itself. I was quick to make judgement on a place that I had not even visited yet. However, I felt it in my heart every time we drove by and the skyline appeared into sight that there was something in that city waiting for me. I somehow knew that the admiration I held for Seattle would transform into something much greater.
I could not wait to visit this place that was calling my name and when I finally had received the opportunity to visit with my mother, I was elated. This city full of life and energy was quite unlike any place I had visited before. Living previously in Southern California, the smog covered cities of Los Angeles and Palm Springs that I had visited before did not even compare to what Seattle had to offer. While walking down the freshly rained on sidewalks of Seattle, I could not tear my eyes away from the buildings.
These buildings that I were looking at were so new to me, yet old in age. The now abandoned brick-built bank seemed solemn and deserted, yet it held stories within, waiting to be listened to. These handsome buildings were surrounding me everywhere we went and the beauty was enough to make me cry. The multiple high-rise buildings such as the Seattle Tower and the beautiful old churches all over the city were so astounding and palatial to me. I then realized that there was something so special that all of these buildings had in common, they were permanent.
What I love so much about architecture is that a building is one of the most permanent things you can build. After seeing all of those buildings which the average city-goer would view as outdated and dilapidated, I saw that they still held the design and intricate details which they were first built with. Although a building may eventually be torn down, it will be replaced with a new building, ready to create as much history as its predecessor. I carry this view of architecture wherever I go, whether it be in my own hometown or on a vacation to Canada. Not only does a building provide shelter to people, but it creates emotion as well. With this lens that was given to me after experiencing Seattle architecture, my character was shaped as my eyes were opened onto what I believe my purpose is in life. I want to create.
I know that I want to create an impact on the world. My passion right now is architecture and I will give my best efforts to design and create structures that will impact the world in some way or another. If my passion changes down the road I will still create, in some way, ideas that will change the world. I live to leave my creativity and ideas onto the world to inspire others; just as the old architects of Seattle had inspired me.
This is a good essay and it has a very nice rhythm to it.
Here are some suggestions that you might find useful.
I could not wait to visit this place that was calling my name and when I finally had received the opportunity to visit with my mother, I was elated.
... This is an important part of your essay.
I could not wait to visit this place that was calling my name and I was elated when i finally had the opportunity to pay a visit with my mother.Ignore if I had misunderstood this but at the begining of the essay you are saying that you were mesmarized only when you went to Seattle but here it points out that you were already looking forward to visiting Seattle....
I think the ending needs a little bit more life. But overall I think it's a great essay. I hope my suggestions helped. :)
