Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
"Chino (Chinese in Spanish)" someone shouted across the street. It startled me; this dreaded word stirred up my worst nightmares. I still vividly remembered when I first arrived at my school in El Salvador. It was supposed to be a bright and sunny day until someone called me "Chino Culero". I greeted him with a smile and said "Hola (hello)", but suddenly the whole class burst in laughter, little did I know that "Chino Culero" means "Gay Chinese" in Spanish. Even now I can recall the cold unfeeling eyes staring at me and the evil monotonous laughter ringing in my ears.
Two years later, when I was in a summer camp in Taiwan, a similar scenario unfolded before my eyes. During lunch break three bullies flipped my friend's desk over and threw all his possession over the window. Immediately, I tried to stand up but my lack of strength left me seated when memories of evil laughter starts to resurface. I began sweating profusely and my heart starts beating faster than the snaring drum. I tried to shout out but I was suffocated by my own throat. Helplessly, I watched my friend suffered by the hands of the bullies while my chest starts to tighten. To him, I was just another cold unfeeling eye.
Eight months ago I witness another bullying. But this time I said no. I said no to my fears because of my anguish, my friend's agony, and my anger towards my cowardly self. I stood up.
The same idea guys, please review for any mistakes and harsher the critic the better.
This is just two stories about bullying, not about how bullying shaped your aspirations
yep, explain how it affected you and how have you changed
Thank you guys. I will make the changes right now.
you seem to fluctuate between the past and the present. stick with one. other than that, i agree with the previous comments.
I agree
Hi Guys, I wrote the essay again. However I wrote it for a different prompt. What do you guys think?
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)
It was my first day at my new school in El Salvador. The weather was bright and sunny until someone called me "Chino Culero". I greeted him with a smile and said "Hola (hello)", but suddenly the whole class burst in laughter, little did I know that "Chino Culero" means "Gay Chinese" in Spanish.
Being bullied was never fun; I had to endure the loneliness and the belittling laughter, however it taught me many things. From their scorn and their cold uncaring eye, I understood the pain of the victim. From the loneliness and the isolation, I understood the importance of friendship and family. From their criticism and their nicknames, I discovered my weakness: They laughed at me for being a "Tenguereche Tierna" (weak lizard), so I start doing push-ups every day, they make fun of my basic knowledge of Salvadorian slangs/swearwords, so I spent my nighttime learning the meaning of "Chivo" (cool) and "Gringo" (Americans), and they criticize my Asian heritage, so I make them realize the awesomeness of my lightning Asian mental mathematics calculation. I was like a muscle; every time I was broken down I rebuild myself to be stronger and better.
However I did all these not for the bullies' approval, but to improve myself. I realized that the bullies were right, I was weak and feeble, my knowledge of the slangs was minimum, and my Asian heritage was different to them. However, thanks to them, now I can do more than 50 push-ups in a single set and use the Salvadorian slang as masterfully as the locals, and also I made them realize that being an Asian is actually pretty cool.
Please somebody?
I think you're still describing the situation too much and not talking about how it affected and shaped you. It is quite vague.
@ Brazilian 01. I changed the prompt to this
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)
do you still think that it doesn't tell much about me?
Thank you very much for the comment
I hadn't noticed you'd changed the prompt, my mistake.
This frase isn't very well put together. There are disagreements between the tenses and the sentence ended up too long.
Thank you Brazil
But the essay, in general what do you think about it?
In general, it is very good and the main idea is simple, yet significant.
Thank you so much, you just gave me a big round smile
