Bursting the Bubble ; University of Arizona Personal Statement

Personal Statement - For All Freshman Applicants:

A personal statement is our best means of getting to know you and your best means of putting your academic performance and activities in the context of your life. There are no "wrong" answers. When you write your personal statement, tell us about those aspects of your life that are not evident from your academic record. Because personal statements are brief, they usually focus on one aspect of a student's life. For example, you could focus on a character-defining moment, a cultural awareness, a challenge faced, family background or cultural heritage, individual talents, academic commitment, or extracurricular activities. Tell us what you would like us to know about you in considering you for admission and/or scholarships.

If you choose not to submit a personal statement at this time, you may send additional pages to the Office of Admissions. Be sure to put your name and date of birth on the top of the page. If you choose not to provide a personal statement, please be advised that we will be lacking important information about you.

This is my personal statement for University of Arizona. Any critique and commentary will be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

"I've seen a friend of mine killed," whispered Jason. This intimate conversation between Jason, a Belizean native, and me started from a series of awkward greetings to exchanging personal stories someone would typically not share with others.

I am a typical Californian teenager living in the so-called "bubble" of Orange County. Most people outside of our bubble see us as sheltered and spoiled; sadly most of these statements are true.

After hearing Jason's life story about drugs, family problems, violence, and financial hardships I was able to open my eyes and ears to a very different culture and lifestyle than what I was accustomed to. He also had much to listen about my life and culture. Although we both had very different backgrounds, we were able to embrace these thoughts and have an open mind to understand each other. After spending almost two weeks in Belize experiencing their lifestyle, and understanding their culture, I am happy to say this trip was life changing.

Looking back on this day, I realized that this moment has really made a significant impact. These moments that I experienced opened my eyes out of the "bubble" and hopefully going to the University of Arizona will allow me to learn more about different cultures and backgrounds.

it's that : Orange country??
these moments that i've experienced...

Beautiful and also very powerful start.... very impressive :)


....Up to this point your response is really strong


... Here, nothing much is said and it seems you are rotating around the same idea....
Try and add some more life to this. Back up your ideas with some real life events or examples
I love the beginning, but I also feel a drop in the latter part :)