Hey all. I just wanted to know if this is a good essay to send along with my common app. Its kinda long so beware!
I had never felt so awkward in my entire life, but as I look back, I can see that the weird outburst was more kismet than funny.
"Please give a round of applause for our preschoolers," signaled the start of my graduation. The purple and gold themed room, filled with smiling parents, had a hue-ish glow. It made me nervous. My younger self had trouble with memorization, so when it came to practicing what I'd been taught, how to gracefully walk across a stage, I ended up fumbling over. The rows of occupied chairs distracted me, but I still managed to smile. "You're next," were the words that followed. I slowly walked to the podium and accepted my award. The audience applauded me. I was glad, until my principal asked "what would you like to be when you grow up?" Stunned, I replied with the most appropriate answer, "a bus driver," I continued "because they help people." I smiled and expected the applause that I received before, but was given jolts of laughter instead. An uneasy feeling crept into my stomach; I could find my parents in the audience now: they were the only ones with straight faces.
Occasionally, I sit down and reminisce to that day. I laugh because it amuses me how it helped to shape my goals, passions, and aspirations. Shortly after that event, I decided to think of a new career: one that people would respect and not make fun of. It took a couple of immunization shots to expose me to the world of medicine. Dr. Burgins, my pediatrician, told me that he loved his job, however, his words failed to convince me. I assumed that the job was overbearing, because of his frail appearance. I ignored him as he continued to speak-taking time to express his words-until he said "impacting someone's life is the greatest feeling." Those words have stuck with me ever since. The sixty-something year old man shook my hand, and I smiled, knowing that I had found my calling.
For years now, I have been convinced that I will enter the pediatric line of work. Nonetheless, when asked "what do you want to do in life", I give the vague answer "I want to help others." Of course, that was my response to every aunt, uncle, teacher, and pastor, but for some odd reason, I felt as if there was more to it, something deeper.
It is true that community service helps in fostering a passion; I discovered mine while volunteering as summer camp counselor. I had the usual job of: watching over the children, distributing snacks, and teaching social skills. It was there that I found the answer: a child named Levine. Let me pause here to say that I am not writing about how I impacted Levine's life. I didn't. In fact, I had quickly dismissed Levine like many of his teachers before me. The little boy was, by far, the most disobedient student. He was suspended for a month at his school and noted for grade retention. Like many of his teachers, and possibly his parents, I had given up on him. In short, I had viewed Levine as an obnoxious seven year-old. I felt it was my job to keep him from disrupting my class, and sabotaging the experience for other students. To my surprise, Levine showed more determination, and by the end of the summer, he had taught himself how to read fifth-grade level books.
Levine's success did not stop at reading books. He had succeeded in showing me my own failures. This was a child who was never taken seriously, and developed unruly behavior as a result. I never stopped to look for his interests, potential, or aspirations. I had underestimated Levine, and I am grateful that he was able to enlighten me. Through him, I discovered a link to pediatrics and humanitarianism. So, perhaps becoming a bus driver isn't the best choice, still, I've managed to keep the same principle: helping others. I want to impact a child's life, and do so for the better.
"The purple and gold themed room, filled with smiling parents, had a hue-ish glow" - hue-ish glow does not make sense. Would make more sense if it were " The purple and gold themed room, filled with smiling parents, was filled with a colorful tone" or something along those lines.
"It is true that community service helps in fostering a passion; I discovered mine while volunteering as summer camp counselor." - You forgot the 'a' I presume. 'It is true that community service helps in fostering a passion; I discovered mine while volunteering as a summer camp counselor'
"I had the usual job of:" - No need for the semi colon.
I'm unsure what message you're trying to convey through this essay. Is it that you would just like to help people? I thought it would be something like you pursuing a career in the medical field haha.
Nonetheless, your essay runs smoothly and grammar isn't my best, but it seems to be just fine.
What is your prompt?
What is kismet?
What is the focus of your essay, is it how Levine taught you, the deeper reason to your desire to help others, or that a bus driver is not a respectable occupation?
For years now, I have been convinced that I will enter the pediatric line of work. Nonetheless, when asked "what do you want to do in life", I give the vague answer "I want to help others."
This is contradicting. If you have been convinced, then why did you give vague answers?
It is true that community service helps in fostering a passion; I discovered mine while volunteering as summer camp counselor.
How did this experience foster your passion?
Lastly, the part about Levine reminds me slightly of an About.com essay. I'm not saying it's bad, but don't throw something in there just because it was recommended.
Kismet is a word that means something was bound to happen for a specific reason, I just love that word !
Good point, how would I guess I was trying to say that I was convinced but could not give people concrete reasons , until after the interaction with Livine, thanks! I should make this part clearer !
Well I will work on trying to connect the words in the essay better, maybe condense the Levine part ?
It was just an essay based on significant experience.
