Business, the burning fire deep inside me ; NYU Sup/ academic interests?

Hi!

Could someone be so kind to give me feedback on this essay?

Thanks!!

NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

There is a burning fire deep inside me: business. My achievement of having a prosperous business can be facilitated by the well streamed academic curriculum at NYU, were I knew I wanted to study the first time I visited.

However, attending NYU is more than just academics. Out of class experiences are equally as valuable as learning in the classroom; the vast amount of clubs will allow me to develop practical skills for my business.

A characteristic about me is my hunger for learning. More so, my hunger to learn from new cultures. I believe it is so enriching for life to meet international people. When travelling, I immerse myself in the culture and taste, photograph all innovative to me. This is why; studying abroad is an important happening in my college live. The incredible opportunities at NYU provide chances to explore and develop interests and integrate within the new community.

I posses a wide range of passions. With its first rate business education and a broad based liberal arts foundation, NYU is my best fit college

I had been saving to open my bakery business high school. Travelling has helped me to learn about cuisine from different cultures and I have been able to mix ingredients from all over the world and develop new recipes.

Apart from training employees about Argentinian recipes, I want to instill in them the skills taught at NYU. NYU offers an environment that motivates cultural advancements and personal growth as well as fostering the skills necessary to succeed in the professional world.

The sentence grabbed my attention just like that but when reached to the end and read "business" I just lost it. I mean everything was right make sure you just tell that it is business in any other way.



Color #FF0000


I think you meant Possess

No offense I think you should give a little more effort on your essay. I just didn't feel that much captivated by it. Again it's just my thought. You can post a new version of it after the corrections.