"Business, calculus, chemistry, .." the subjects in which you excel or have excelled.

Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success?

Blessed and lucky I am to have a once struggling but supportive family caring to each and every need; which is the very first factor that comes to mind that has helped succeed in any of my classes. Not everyone is able to have an extra shoulder to lean on; I had about four of them, composed of my grandmother and grandfather, my mother, and older sister and even though my father was many miles away, he would call me all the time to fill in his missing hours of my life. The support of my...

One of the most important factors that has attributed to my success is my family; Not everyone is able to have an extra shoulder to lean on; I have about four of them, composed of my grandmother and grandfather, my mother, and older sister and even though my father was many miles away, he would frequently call me to fill in his missing hours of my life. The support of my family is all I need to excel in anything, and everyone in my town knew who we were because of my face being plastered in the town's newspaper every week for a new award-winning poem I have written or for outstanding achievement in school.

The strong will that have inherited from my parents has aided me out of the toughest situations, especially in class. In my Business and Computer Technology class, with such marvelous keyboarding skills (140 gross words per minute) and excellent communication skills at a young age, I impressed many of my peers in the class and motivational speakers who came to visit us; which gave me a bit of spotlight and encouraged me to become a member of the Future Business Leaders of America. Being in FBLA gave me the opportunity to travel to different cities in the state to compete with other outstanding students in debating, keyboarding, and public speaking. Keyboarding was a breeze; it did not require for me to talk, just type pages of information faster and more precisely than my opponents. However, I am very shy, and I almost backed out of debating and publically speaking against the other teams. I can remember telling myself to just do it, and don't worry about anything else; I was doing this for my organization, and I had to give it my all. Those words of encouragement stuck to me, and I overcame my bashfulness. Business and Computer Technology is definitely a class I would recommend because business and technology are two important factors in America.

But that strong will has also aided me in many other classes, such as Honors Pre-Calculus. My biggest weaknesses: graphs, system of equations, and variables were constantly being thrown at me without any preparation. I was not failing, but I definitely did not like the grade in that class. That first semester broke me down inside a bit, but my will told me there was another chance for me; a chance to prove how intelligent I am. The next semester was Trigonometry, and I aced it with minor difficulties. It was like it was Pre-Calculus repeating itself, and I did all I could in that class, more than I did last semester; all thanks to my will power.

My natural ability is a factor I have obtained at a young age. Some things just come naturally; so I guess that is why Spanish II is a fairly easy course. English is derived from many words from Latin, and Spanish is no exception. And most of the words in Spanish are cognates, which mean that they look like the words they mean in English; quite interesting. And I am sure that the things I learn in Spanish II I will never forget.

Networking is such an important factor and is mandatory for me. Just remember that very important test that everyone had to pass in order to be successful; the ACT, the SAT and SAT Subject Tests, and many other tests that jab you in the stomach when the name is mentioned. It really pays off when you have a couple of friends you can depend upon when there is a hard task to complete in class. Networking has definitely helped me with many other things such as extra credit opportunities that really are not mentioned in class or any other benefits. Without networking, I do not think passing U.S. History, English III, or Chemistry would be possible in my 11th grade year; which is the first year at this new school. I developed a relationship with my U.S. History teacher, Mr. Hall; it was not a difficult task since he was my bus driver as well! English III seemed like a remediation class; it was way too simple to not pass it. The work we were given was actually 3rd grade worksheets, dealing with subject-verb agreement and past and present tense verbs.

In Chemistry, without the help of my good friend, Alberta, I would not have passed it. Chemistry was a difficult class with a difficult teacher named Mr. Leflore, but all thanks to networking, I made it through. I enjoyed Chemistry; it was so complex. In class we would exchange information about the quizzes and daily worksheets we received. I wouldn't consider it cheating because we didn't fully trust each other's answers; we just went with what felt right with a few pointers from other classmates. Everyone helped each other, networking is a great tool.

Passion is another factor that has saved me from failing anything. If something is very uninteresting, I do not pursue it. Visual Arts, a seemingly easy class but surprisingly hard for many students in my school, is an interesting class I am currently taking. There is only one thing we do in there: draw. But the thing is, I can express myself through art in many ways. I write poetry, I draw, and I paint; it can't get any better than that! Biology II and Astronomy are easy classes to excel in. Luckily I do not have to force myself or I don't have to network as hard to succeed in my science classes because I like what I do in science; making pedigree charts and studying Genetics; Astronomy is far from easy, but it is very interesting to learn about the origin of our solar system and ancient philosophies. I have a passion for both art and science.

I apply these factors everyday in my life and I plan on using them the rest of my senior year and throughout college.

did i answer this greatly? :)

The first two sentences of your essay confused me. It was a bit wordy when I was reading it out loud and all over the place. I suggest you rewrite your beginning with maybe a quote...or is that to cliche? but you definitely should change it.


When you say had, does that mean their not there for you anymore? Are they dead???


You should definitely replace that word because it sounds middle schoolish like your talking to one of your friends.


Wow. ummm, I definitely think you should reword this. When I read this sentence I sensed arrogance. I feel as though your saying that your better than everyone else. Just because your bright doesn't mean you deserve anything. It's about hard work. I'm sure you didn't mean to come off this way, but you should talk about how hard you worked with the support of your family which in turn caused your town to know about you because of the things you did and or accomplished.


Wow. Okay, first of all when you talk about your business class, first say how your peers where impressed by you with your skills, and that's where you insert your typing skills and communication skills. I also think you should insert how you were able to help your peers with these skills. Also, I would have loved to hear more about your Leaders of America thing and what you did/learned in it based on your business class that you excelled at. Saying words such as nobodies, or catty girls, sounds very immature. Instead say how you faced hardships with some of your peers who wanted to bring you down by bullying, etc. and then you say how you overcame them.


I'm sorry to say this, but this essay isn't all about you. This essay needs to be focused on the subjects you excel at, and attributes that helped you gain success in them. This does not include say how mysterious, or pretty, or tall you are. Stay on the subject, don't get sidetracked.

Your essay needs total reconstruction. I advise maturing the way you talk. You had really great writing moments such as when say that my gosh you have a weakness! I don't think you should say what grade you had in there, but instead say how it wasn't your best. This essay needs organization. Because your family has such a huge impact on you, you should save the best for last. Gosh, theres like too many things. I hope I helped. Remember constructive criticism :)

There needs to be an I between that and have.


Okay for these sentences, I crossed them out because they sounded weird in that sentence. I suggest you putting them like this: "In my Business and Computer Technology class I impressed many of my peers in the class and motivational speakers who came to visit us through such marvelous keyboarding skills (140 gross words per minute) and excellent communication skills that I gained at a young age. Then I suggest you start a new sentence. Something like this:Through my talent of __________, it gave me a bit of spotlight and encouraged me to become a member of the Future Business Leaders of America.

I think that sounds much more coherent.


I don't think you should include this sentence because it came out of nowhere, and doesn't really tie in to what your talking about.


That sentence should be revised because in the rules of grammar, you are not allowed to start a sentence with the word "BUT". You should change it to something like this: My success in my Business and Computer Technology class was due to my strong will, and that carried me through another difficult class known as Honors Pre-Calculus.

My natural ability is a factor I have obtained at a young age

This sentence is unfinished. What natural ability are you talking about? You should say something like this: My natural ability to absorb things/subjects/information easily is a factor I obtained at a young age.

"I apply these factors everyday in my life and I plan on using them the rest of my senior year and throughout college." You should continue on saying that this is gonna continue throughout your life also, cause it seems like after college your not gonna use those factors again.

I think you did a great job at revising your essay, it is totally much better than your first one. I am just nervous that your talking about too many subjects. You only went into thorough detail for like the first 2. The next subjects you only said a couple things. So think about lifting up the weight on this essay. Remember that less is more. I hope I was helpful to you again :)

right. i'll get to business then!!! god bless <3

OK so i reconstructed the WHOLE thing. Like you said, i had too many classes, WELL i took it to heart and instead of naming classes, i stuck to two subjects: math and science!

Coincidently, I excel in math and science simply because of my passion for both subjects. Honestly, I do not try to do my best in my math and science classes because I have to, but I do it because I want to; I can say that I have found my interests for those subjects at an early age. Coming up, my mother provided educational resources such as Schoolhouse Rock videotapes and a library card for me, which I think played a big role in establishing success in my future and my passion for learning, especially in math and science. As a youngster, I always toyed with household items and mixed them together, hoping to create some sort of magic potion or medicine that would make me a famous scientist. I even dreamed of creating my own laboratory, being inspired by one of my favorite cartoons, Dexter's Laboratory. Reminiscing on one successful experiment I found in a science book, I made a bouncing ball out of an egg that I put in a cup of vinegar in a cabinet for seven days. My curious ways led me to thinking that I was indeed a smart, young girl that could conquer the world if I wanted to.

Since math and science are first cousins, it is no wonder that math had become my most favorite subjects to excel in. Whenever I wasn't in the bathroom mixing up chemicals, I would be on the computer enjoying an educational CD called Jumpstart. I got addicted to getting the right answers all of the time, which made me a bit emotional whenever my teacher would tell me otherwise. I often cried whenever I got an A- on a quiz. This kind of behavior raised a few eyebrows on how I was treated at home, but in reality I was and still am hard on myself when it comes to my favorite subjects. It feels like if I fail at my specialties, I feel like a failure. And math, relatively harder than science, was a love-hate relationship for me. Math has always been a subject that required me to do better in; it wasn't like science, which any answer could be either almost right or not precise. I became struggled fiercely in math, which fed the passion for it, and I truly believe that math can make you smarter. Ultimately, my first loves were math and science, and I share equal feelings for both subjects.

is there anything i needa fix, let me know, Kay? thank you!

well actually, i rephrased the last two sentences to this:

My first loves were math and science, and I share equal feelings for both subjects. Ultimately, an obsession with math and science has led me to success and preparation has aided me in my skills.

One of the most important factors that has attributed to my success is my family; Not not everyone is able to ...___I know you rewrote this, but I want to point out 2 things:

Your success can be attributed to a factor.
A factor can contribute to your success.
But a factor cannot attribute to success.

Also, do not capitalize the word that comes after a semi-colon.

This new version is well written, but it is too general to talk just about the subjects. You should talk about concepts within the subjects. A scholar is only interested in a subject by itself when in high school. After high school, you have to specialize in particular areas.

:-)

Use a comma here:
...has led me to success, and preparation has aided me in my skills.

This should be growing up.

Honestly this essay is really good, but I also agree with Kevin on this one, you need to talk about the concepts within those subjects like you did with the previous essay. This essay is great, but if you combine the details of your previous one with the excellent word choice and imagery that you used on this essay, then it would be amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!