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'My business to change my community' - personal statement


XLiaX 1 / 3  
Nov 27, 2013   #1
UC Prompt #1 " Describe the world you come from, for example your family, community, or school, and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

November 28, 2010 changed my life forever. It was the day my sister gave birth to my nephew; he was my inspiration to go further on with my dreams of becoming a professional baker.

It was a cold afternoon and my parents wanted something warm and sweet. My parents always took me along with them to a bakery that is on Vernon and Broadway. I remember going to the bakery that cold afternoon and I was in such a terrible mood. It was then when I experienced something I didn't think pastries could do. It was the smell of every sweet pasty being made that changed my mood. I went from being grumpy to having a big smile upon my face. As I got older, I started baking all sort of pastries like cookies, cakes, and cupcakes.

The day came when my sister gave birth to her first child, my first nephew, in 2010. As he got older, he would ask me if I could make him a cake for his birthday. Unfortunately, I was never able to because my sister didn't think I was capable of doing it. But, it was his smile and excitement that inspired me to go further and make my dream come true. His smile was exactly the smile I had back when I had the experience in the bakery. He was happy as was I when I was around all the pastries. He was the reason why I started baking more frequently and he always appreciated what I did.

One day, I hope my dream comes true. I have seen what pastries do to people, as it did to me. Ever since that day, I have become a person that enjoys seeing people smile and I hope to accomplish that with my bakery. In order to open my business I hope to major in Business and Management so I could have the proper knowledge and fundamentals to keep my business up and running. I want my first business to open here in my community, the community of Watts. Although some people have their opinions of Watts, I have lived here long enough to know that people want good change.

My business can bring a change to this community because a bakery could bring happiness. Almost every corner has a liquor store and not a lot of bakeries. I feel like people would enjoy it if they didn't have to go far to get a good quality pastry for a birthday or any other occasion. They will also find it more convenient when someone could deliver it to them. With my business, I hope to bring more money to my community so people could live in better conditions and have more opportunities for those in need.

( i would really appreciate your help & thank you)
selmasanchez 2 / 17 2  
Nov 27, 2013   #2
So unique! I think you should put all the 5 senses not only the sense of smell when the pastry changed your mood, for example say "The light yet rough to the touch savory, gooey peach pastry..." and also explain how people see Watts and how you see it, and what exactly you're trying to improve. I like it a lot who would've known pastries could be a mouthwatering topic of a Personal Statement :)
OP XLiaX 1 / 3  
Nov 27, 2013   #3
Thank you so much for your feedback & thank you for reading it. I'll make the changes to make it better (:


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