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"Business & History" - University of Rochester


YPan 10 / 28  
Dec 23, 2010   #1
Hello guys, I'm applying to University of Rochester with RD, aiming their REBS business program. Here are my two supplement essays, each of which need to be less or equal to 150 words according to the requirement.

Any criticism or suggestion will be very appreciated!! Thank you!
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Prompt 1: The Rochester Curriculum - University of Rochester students enroll with no required subjects as they design their own college path. Write about the subjects and learning situations that interest you most, and how you intend to use your autonomy here.

Business is never an inflexible or rigid subject.Therefore,I'm looking for a learning situation that guarantees my autonomy in learning and allows me to enrich myself by experiencing varieties.Rochester's curriculum,encompassing the sole theme of variety,provides a perfect stage for me:Besides the small class size,Rochester's curriculum and its programs never give me a fixed college path;exploring the variety of the business world is always encouraged.Since my focus in college will be business management,I'm especially interested in the REBS program.In addition to keep reading relevant books on business management and biographies of successful entrepreneurs in my leisure,I'd like to take not only the required subjects but also the allied field courses such as political science and sociology.Moreover,I covet to seek for research and internship opportunities in Rochester,aiming to develop a deeper and more comprehensive understanding of business.

Prompt 2: Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer and example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result.

As an international student,I'm always deterred by history.The confusion of vocabularies and the didactic reading materials constantly frustrated me,no wonder that I could write "George Washington was a virgin(Virginian was the word in my head)" on my freshmen history test.Last year,I decided to confront my weakness in history and improve my reading techniques.Starting with the memorization of the key words on the back of the books,I compared my notes with the in-class quizzes,tried to figure out the concentration of each chapter, and use numbers to label out significant points.Gradually I had not only overcome the difficulties on history but also developed my own way of annotation and learnt to distill important information from reading materials.I'm confident that such techniques will help my infuse new blood into Rochester's community.
jdurnford 4 / 6  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
Prompt 1:

This essay is very general. You're practically repeating the question and just giving stereotypical answers. Try working on making your essay unique while still satisfactorily answering the question.

Prompt 2:

I like the focus of this essay. The last sentence is unneeded, in my opinion, as it is not the purpose of the essay prompt. Also, pick a verb tense and stick with it. The first sentence has "I am", but it should be "I was", as that was your state before becoming able to learn more about history.
OP YPan 10 / 28  
Dec 27, 2010   #3
thank you for your suggestion!


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