Business and Management/ NYU Supp/ Programs & Interests?

Essay question: NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

I strongly desire to study business and management in New York University's Leonard N. Stern School of Business to be a global businessman. Even though South Korea is a small country, it is known to be one of the most powerful economic countries throughout the world. The chairman, Lee Kun Hee of Samsung Electronics, which the representative company in South Korea said that business is an art, thus businessman needs be prepared with talents and capabilities to be the artist. New York as the hub of global economy and NYU as the central university in the state, I hope to gradually develop myself to become an ambitious businessman. For this, I believe that it is necessary to take a first step to inure my fundamental knowledge in core subjects. This leads me to the field of Liberal Studies - Global Liberal Studies in NYU. As I am preparing to grow myself as an international businessman, I am very excited to learn a fourth language in the Global Liberal Studies. As it's goal is to provide best possible foundations and to direct them to their suitable undergraduate schools, I am confident to claim that Global Liberal Studies is the right choice for my future career interests. In addition, this program offers studying abroad opportunities, so it would give me a variety in receiving high quality education from NYU.

Please help me to find grammar mistakes and titivate contents.!!!

I don't have anyone around me to help reading my essay since the supporting hand in my place is limited.

Thank you all

include a line in the beginning of why or since when u hve wnted to be a businessman nd i read it twice but couldnt see any apparent errors grammarwise!

help me too, deadlines juc round d corner!

How's my content though? Does it answer to the question effectively? Is my message clear?

The tense in this part:

As I am preparing to grow myself prepare to grow as an international businessman, I am very excited to learn a fourth language in the Global Liberal Studies.

Honestly confuses me a bit. Rather than using present tense, maybe future tense? So it would look like this:

There, I can prepare myself to grow as an international businessman, and to learn a fourth language in through the Global Liberal Studies program.

If you want to correct it and have me critique it again, I'd be glad to ^__^ (I'm applying to NYU too, so good luck to both of us!! If you get in, I'd love to know). Remember that while I may point out errors and give suggestions, it is up to you on how to correct them!

And in answer to that question, I think your message is very clear. You want to become a successful businessman, and you decided the best way would to pursue NYU business. You admire and wish to have a interdisciplinary approach to your education. Your quote from Lee Kun Hee is an especially strong portion. It shows how you've been inspired by and admire an internationally successful businessman, and further supports your support for an interdisciplinary approach due to the comparison of a businessman to an artist. Finally, your last sentences show you have done your research. Your willingness to learn another foreign language (a fourth language, more impressively), shows your devotion to the global approach.

This is what I got from your essay. The only remark I'd make is that the ending is a bit typical.