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"business or science" - past life experiences, group collaboration, diversity


storm94 2 / 3  
Apr 2, 2011   #1
MSU Prompt #2
2) If admitted to Michigan State, you will join a diverse community of students, faculty, staff, and alumni. Please respond to the following hypothetical situation: In your first semester English Course you are assigned to a group is comprised of five other students, some of whom are from different countries and/or have different racial/ethnic backgrounds than you. Please explain how your past life experiences will help you effectively collaborate with your group members in order to achieve success on this project.

There were 30 seconds left on the clock. My friend Josh laterolled me the ball as he swept past , pausing slightly to make the transaction. Being the size of an average sixth grader, I had no idea how I was going to get past five gigantic eighth graders who loomed over me.

Then, out of nowhere, four of my teammates swept in front of me as I wiped the sweat off my brow. They startled and confused me but I overcame them. I looked attentively at both of my friends, each an opposite sides of me. My friend Robert and my friend chase each exchanged glances for a split second. Then I bounce-passed the ball to Robert. While Robert was maneuvering between the five looming masses, Chase cut towards the hoop. In a rush, Robert chucked the ball towards the basketball hoop but clanged the ball of the head of the rim. Robert let out a screech of anguish, paralyzed by his failure. However, Chase made a rebound off the ball at the last minute, covering for Robert's inaccurate shot. Chose gently tossed the ball at the hoop with an easy motion for a lay-up. The ball swished through the net, just as the buzzer went off.

Because of this experience, I know what diversity is about, and how it could contribute to my skills as a better asset to the group. Human society is very much more like this basketball game. I, an oversized Indian, working with Robert who is of German descent, and Chase, who is Polish. The more the world works like our game, the more we can benefit from diversity. My ability to work in any group would be what makes me a wonderful asset to both in completing the group assignment and to MSU. Society needs to be more diverse and diverse humans need to learn to work together. It is our diversity that helps us overcome great obstacles, and in the case of this potential group assignment, cooperation and effectiveness. The process of having these qualities will prove to be a tough hurdle for most people, but I am certain that my diversified personality will help me to be successful.

Throughout my high school career, I have been contemplating whether to pursue business or science. By choosing science, I now do a lot of group work and I must work with others to compare our theories to reach a plausible hypotheses. I could have taken two paths: one involving intense teamwork with people that I do not know and one involving lengthy work by myself. I chose the science field because helping people less fortunate is my cup of tea, regardless of which specific field I choose, and I decided to work collaboratively with people, rather than by myself.

-I wanted to know if this was good in terms of content, word choice, and if I answered the prompt correctly and effectively.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Apr 4, 2011   #2
lateraled me the ball as he----I think I corrected the spelling, but I'm not sure! Never used that word before...
Pretty cool idea.

Got to be more efficient with the words...---> My friends Robert and my friend chase Chase each exchanged glances, for a split second. Then and I bounce-passed the ball to Robert.

Go through the whole essay and trim excess words like I did above. That'll always improve your writing.
I like the diversity theme!

Look again here... less is always more:
Throughout my high school career, I have been contemplating whether to pursue business or science. By choosing...-----see? Cut that cliche, "high school career," and keep only the best, freshest vegetables. Toss out all the chafe, and keep only the cream of the crop. Cut, cut, cut.

:-)


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