This essay is a college admissions personal statement and a topic of my choice
"The Butterfly Effect"
A stiff breeze causes me to sway on my feet as I look out over the water. My gaze shifts lazily from the darkened horizon to my bare feet in the sand and the occasional lapping wave erasing the record of beachgoers for the day. Of all the footsteps on the now dark beach, there is only one set that corresponds to my current location. At any time, I could easily move myself in an infinite number of directions for an undetermined number of feet, but against all odds, I remain, the salty air stinging my nostrils.
In the span of thirty seconds, by simply standing on an empty beach, my future may have been significantly altered. The series of minute decisions made during this small window in time could have allowed me to ponder ideas long forgotten or take a new look at an old image. Denying the potential for change held by the decisions we make is impossible, no matter the consequences.
Now, as I reach another fork in the road of life, I recognize that this utensil has an abnormally large number of tines. I have been previously inclined to think that my selection of a college or university is going to have the longest standing effect of any decision I have yet made, but a deeper logic tells me otherwise. If my entire life has been made up of decisions, why should getting out of bed this morning, or putting on a certain pair of jeans, or choosing Cheerios over oatmeal have carried any less weight? Who is to say that I should not be halfway across the country, travelling with a troupe of acrobats?
I do not dismiss the value of furthering my education but actually quite the opposite. I simply acknowledge the value of the small choices we make: the smile to an unknown passerby, the congratulations to a successful opponent, the anonymous gesture of kindness. These are the decisions that compose my character and make all the others worthwhile. While an education is an enormous part of my life, my life is made entirely of choices and I plan to make every one of them count. So the next time I find myself alone with my thoughts on any empty beach, I won't be waiting for my next big decision. I will be excited to take that first step in one of an infinite number of potential directions for a number of feet yet to be determined.
against all odds
Pretty impressive writing, Nathan! How about taking out the unnecessary cliche above, though. Sometimes great writing can be made even better by weeding out some unhelpful phrases.
In the span of thirty seconds, by simply standing on an empty beach, my future may have been significantly altered. --Here is one more thing you should revise. You are an advanced writer, so I don't need to show you how to revise it, but the reason it needs revision is that is suggests your future was standing on the beach. Although that may be metaphorically true, it is a grammar gaff. So... revise so that it is YOU that does something, not your future.
:-)
