Hello everybody! It would help me a lot if you can give me critiques on my essay. The faster the better!
Thank you and Happy Holidays!
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (650 word max)
Barely containing my enthusiasm, I hastened my pace towards the counter. Excitedly looking around with a dazed expression, my sixteen-year-old self sauntered gleefully into a crowded Boba My Tea on a Friday afternoon after the conclusion of Crespi High School's finals. My eyes quickly pounced on their target: the menu. Seemingly thousands of different confections plagued the pane glass menu and I find myself savoring what delicious treat will appease my appetite. I felt that I was an explorer in the fourteenth century, discovering new islands while journeying to Port Royal. The thrill of discovery and adventure excited me. Although my goal was to buy a regular sized boba drink, I perused through the new section of the menu, delighted that the flavors ranged from something fruity like mango milk tea to something creative like Kit-Kat milk tea. Do I want to try out the peach milk tea in fear that I will spend the rest of my afternoon occupying the loo? As with every opportunity I get, I hit the "go" button. With a sure mindset, I charged towards the back of the line to survey my destination: the cash register.
It was on days like this Friday afternoon where I fell in love with boba drinks, often shying away from it due to appearance. Evidently, the elation of finishing finals excited me and prepared me for the exodus into this unknown world of boba. Naturally inquisitive, I could not help but wonder how the gelatinous object was created. My friend exclaimed how inexpensive the drinks were and I wondered if Alexander Hamilton would have questioned as I did whether this boba shop was being economically savvy with its low prices for bountiful drinks. When I reached the Promised Land of the cashier desk and started to order, I began to picture different scenarios.
Logically speaking, there were two clear outcomes from my order. I would either like the drink or dispose of it. But there would be no doubt that I would buy the drink. I enjoyed going into new experiences. Calculus, weight-lifting, and song-writing were unknown to me before high school; I could never imagine my life without them now. Settling with the peach milk tea, I ordered my drink and received a promotion that would have killed Hamilton more rapidly than Aaron Burr's shot did:
"Buy nine more, get one free!"
I sat next to my friend on a retro chair, obtaining my drink while I lamented about the poor fashion choices the store made.
With this new-found treat, I no longer had to envision how the great explorers and innovators felt. I became the captain of the ship and the creator of my own journey. I was ready to embrace this new experience, tackling new experiences like I did my entire life. Whether it be caring for EAE models for my lab, learning how to play an ancient Japanese drumming art-form, or coding a VEX robot for a tournament in under ten minutes, I am compelled to embrace new experiences outside of my realm of familiarity.
I did not throw away my drink that fated day, but I did throw away my inhibitions. With the release, I felt free to once again explore the realm of uncertainty. I live in uncertainty because I accept the possibilities that will ultimately lead me to happiness.
@MasterPhantom
This is an excellent essay and I really like it. However, I feel your essay is too wordy, you need to find a way of explaining your thoughts in a logical way without using platitude. Regardless, this is a good essay.
