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BYU short essays - what set you apart from other applications

Jan 5, 2009   #1
Topic: what set you apart from other applications, based on life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievement? (200 words or less)

It was my 16th birthday. My mother lost her job, which led me to look for a job to support my family and my studying-oversea dream. And I got a part-time job with Universal Company as a sale-man. However, I soon found that job full of stressful. On busy days, I would have to struggle with choosy customers; and on slow days I would have to stand around all day in the shop. My Boss constantly threatened me with salary cuts. On top of this, I still had to study assiduously and keep up my grades. Sometimes I thought I couldn't put up with the job anymore; but I didn't give up Gradually, I got used to my job; I got satisfaction from pleasing customers; I learned how to handle stress and balance my workload. Eventually, things got better for my family. My mom found a new job and does it well. My life becomes normal again, but things are not exactly the same as they were before. I seemed to become totally different person: more mature and more active. At last, I realize that there's one thing that I maybe stand out: my never-give-up spirit.

Jan 5, 2009   #2
I am Chinese :) I guessed you were Vietnamese because when I went to Ho Chi Minh during Tet last year, I think I remember others with your same first name? I don't know, it just sounds like a very Vietnamese name I guess. :)

Apologies if I sounded a bit harsh on the comments, don't worry, your English isn't so bad, it's just that some of the word choices could be better made. Good luck!
Jan 6, 2009   #3
A346 already has helped you correct some of the wording but try to have the essay flow a little more smoothly

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