Please, I want you to evaluate my essay for Cairo college. I want to identify the mistakes in it and the flowing fo ideas. I appreciate your help.
What invention do you think has had the biggest effect on your life?
Dozens of inventions are invented every day, but the most influential is AIO smart sleeve. It's a sleeve that utilizes the electrocardiogram (ECG) to monitor and measure the heart rate activity. The advantage of this gadget is that it uses the most accurate measurement tool in the world -ECG - which is used by the medical industry. While this creation impressed me, I dream to be part of their organization to develop this outstanding gadget. As Their aim is to measure detect heart inflammation, So, I will publish a research to them in the future.
You don't show the main thing the essay is asking. How did the invention affect your life? You have just described the gadget and that's not what the essay asked. Write about the impact it had on your day to day activity.
The problem is that this essay must be 100 words only. So, I don't have any space to elucidate my point.
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Your chosen item for the response does not have a personal effect on your life. It does not have a direct relation to you. You do not use this device. You are only interested in it because of its invention as a tool for a medical purpose. The essay is asking you to choose an invention that has a relevance in your life. Therefore, this is the wrong response.
Think about this essay in terms of your everyday life. What is the item that you use the most, which you cannot live without, that you believe has an impact in your life. If I were responding to this essay, I would say that the Android mobile phone, along with the preloaded Gmap app is an invention that affected my life immensely because I drive my own car and having the electronic map with a voice assistant gives me the confidence to drive to places I have not been before, nor knew how to get to before. I have become a better traveler because of these two inventions.
That is a sample of a relevant response. That you can use to help you define an invention that had a direct effect on your life and you cannot imagine living without due to a specific reason that has to do with your life or its improvement. You can easily justify such a statement for the item and explanation within 100 words.