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'I do not call myself an actress' - NYU short essay


corn0330 2 / 2  
Dec 22, 2011   #1
I'm really nervous because the deadline is approaching!!
This essay might include a lot of grammar errors and word using errors...
Please feel free to comment! I need different opinions:(

Why NYU?

New York University is world renowned and the most desirable school for future artists. Entering the American education system at age fifteen, I have always dreamed of studying performing arts at the Tisch school of the Arts. It offers an artistic atmosphere for the connection between different subjects through a competitive environment. I wish to invest my future learning and studying into New York University, for its rich cultural diversity and remarkable artistic training courses. I admire that NYU helps artists in different fields work cooperatively. These interdisciplinary collaboration programs embrace the same concept of learning arts as my performance arts studio does, which I believe is the best way to enhance arts appreciation. Born in Taiwan, a well-known alumnus of NYU, Ang Lee has always been my role model for his astounding film works associated with a deep understanding of arts. Learning under professional faculty members, students at NYU can expand their creativity without national boundary. I expect myself to be motivated by Tisch boosting envision and execution toward arts to professional skills. I believe that the training ground which only NYU can offer to me would push me to the international stage.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

I act, but I do not call myself an actress. I dance, but I do not call myself a dancer. I play percussion, but I do not call myself a percussion player. In nine years of learning performance arts, I have been searching in hope to complete myself-the happiness from following my passion is what has made me so sure of my decision to become an artist. I broaden my vision and intention on the process of conducting performances. (<-- ?) Over the past __ years, I have become the leader of my percussion band, working cooperatively with my teammates in numerous music performances. I have also grown a deep interest as I expand my understanding about arts through choreography and drama performances in my performance arts studio. At the age of fifteen, I began to approach various edges about filmmaking and criticism; I was taught to taste each flavor, modeling my conception of art. I realized that my growing talents built upon arts have made me into a mature individual and I look forward to filmmaking. New York University is the top choice for people who desire filmmaking to be a future career without any doubts. Located in New York City, the best benefit of NYU is the abundance of opportunities for internships for students. New York City launches the latest resources and constructs a suitable environment for college students who are actively finding job opportunities and receiving global perspective. I am excited to see my story agitates(?) with NYU culture.
lee235717 - / 16  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
You seriously need to work on your grammar. Ask a teacher to help revising it.
ZTH0908123 - / 1  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
No offence. I have to say that the second essay sounds strange. It is like an anticlimax. Experience of playing percussion suddenly turns into interest in filmmaking.


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