Short Answer--Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences(150 words).
This is my short answer of the Common Application
There are two versions. I have no idea which is better.
Please read them and give me some suggestions. Thank you very much.^^
The first one is describing the calligraphy.
I started learning calligraphy at barely six years old and would for the first time sit steadily for six hours, adjusting my brush and practicing a single word. Every Sunday, I unrolled the rice paper, ground the ink, and practiced writing. Calligraphy is a fine and delicate art and even holding a brush is a meticulous skill that is learned. Also, since calligraphy is based on using only as many strokes as necessary, I should complete characters in one artistic stroke. In this way, composure and accuracy are significant. No matter the situation, upon holding a brush, I feel a subtle artistic energy throughout my body and then a miraculous power that motivates me to focus. Calligraphy has given me the ability to concentrate on whatever thing I am doing, no matter how harsh the external conditions are, and this ability has proven useful in art and even academics.
The second version is elaborating on the English Corner I found.
I founded an English Corner in Shenzhen because I discovered that most people were too busy to learn English and had no opportunity to practice. I believe Shenzhen has to master English for practical purposes and to join the ranks of other international cities. I posted the flyers about the English Corner throughout the city, wrote posts on Internet forums, told every person I met. Soon, there were sixty members and I created different departments such as a logistics department, liaison department for finding sponsors, a promotions department, and even a finance department. Every day I spent hours interacting with every department head and my hard work resulted in one of the best English corners in Shenzhen. I truly believe this service we offer serves to contribute to Shenzhen's success development into an international metropolis over the next decades.
well written really.Its a well thought out and well planned answer.If anything can be done , then I would probably suggest putting more emotional feelings like you did in the last two lines and so you can cut down upon the details you provide about calligraphy and what all is done in it
Thank you for your suggestions.^^
Do u mean that I should add some emotional feelings of my process of writing calligraphy? or the feelings when I found the impact of it?
It's a pretty hard choice between the two. Calligraphy's more personal but the English corner is probably more impressive. Actually, the English Corner sounds very impressive. What's your main essay about?
Well, actually, I also have two versions of Main Essay.
One is showing that I am not only perceptual but also rational.
My perceptual quality is nurtured through the process of learning arts.
And my rational quality is demonstrated when facing mathematics.
Second version is the impact of the ballet to my life.
Thank you for your idea.
I think maybe I can use different short answers for different colleges.^^
What I mean by personal feeling is that you can write about how you felt when you were first introduced to calligraphy and then what changes have come in you after that, like you can write whether you have become more sensitive ,observant and admirer of nature and arts etc.
I see... Thank you for your suggestions.
I will consider it for a while and make some edits to it.^^
Can any moderator take a look at my two short answers?
Maybe there were some replies and the moderators just thought that this thread had been read and given suggestions.
The essay which I pasted after this one has been read by Kevin and given some comments by him.
I am also earning for the comments and suggestions for these two short essays.
Thanks a lot.^^
"Writing Practice"
These 2 ideas are so great, I would definitely write about them both under a thesis statement about "writing practice." Your writing practice began with this meditative discipline, and it developed into the English Corner.
I posted the flyers about the English Corner throughout the city, wrote posts on Internet forums, and told every person I met.
Cut out some details from each, and put them together!! I am excited about it, because it is so impressive.
