UF Undergrad Admissions essay prompt:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Note: I'm trying to address each part of the prompt while also focusing on a subject that is very "touchy" so I'm looking for a little feedback as to if this is the right direction...
Reply:
My Calling
Seeing your friends at your first "high school party" is exhilarating. Seeing them surrounded by mirrors, pills, cocaine, heroin, spoons, needles, marijuana, brown papers, empty liquor bottles, etc-Shocked and intensely disappointed is a grossly understated way to describe the new feeling. It was like a scene off of a bad CSI intro. When confronted, they all say the same thing, "I wish I had never started; now it's just impossible to quit". They were ashamed.
It opened a door of realization in the world for me, and their call for help invited me in. I remembered what my Grammy said, "We are not here to judge, we're here to understand and help when people need us". I decided this was my calling in life. I want to help people like them, my generation, my friends, and all future children, who are trapped by addiction. In small towns like the one I live in, there is no specialized medical help for them- But someday it will be me. I will give back to this small town that has given me so much.
I've already proven my dedication to my education in the A's in Dual Enrollment, Honors, and Gifted classes I've earned ever since I can remember. Now, my determination to help is giving me the extra push to do the best work I've ever done, work the hardest I've ever worked. I am well rounded and take an extraordinary amount of pride in everything I do. I'm involved with photography, drama, graphics, psychology, d.a.r.e., volunteering with children, and work on my family's farm, as well as being a 4H leader and World Competitor with Horses. I am as optimistic and charismatic of a leader as I am a strong one. I changed schools 9 times before beginning High School where I now call home; that alone really taught me to quickly make friends and become involved. I love being the best part of everything I can be, and that will certainly carry on in my future!
My ability to exceed in anything I set my mind to is why I know I can someday fulfill my dreams of helping adolescents out of these situations. I need a strong college education to make it all a reality; I will put what I learn at UF to great use! I am extraordinarily excited to dedicate myself to becoming a M.D. in Psychiatry, and someday having that place where teens can turn for the medical help they need to overcome their problems. Helping people through psychiatry is my calling, and there's no place better to get involved and learn about Science and Medicine than the college I've grown up wanting to graduate from, The University of Florida.
Such an interesting essay... It was nice to know someone with such a wonderful calling.
Anyhow, herewith are a few comments I have.
It would be more proper to use capital letters appropriately. Pls. revise the ff:
my calling in life. I want to help people like them, my g generation, my f riends, and all future
Pls. also revise this part.
Grammy said , "We are not here to judge, we're here to understand and help when people needs us. "
Ciao
Very motivational. I felt like applauding you.
You can improve this by simply reading it over out loud. Your ears will catch what your eyes don't. There are some small errors, and I'm not sure what elainedlcruz is getting at, but find them and correct them. Then you'll have a fine essay.
See if everyone likes this any better... I read through other essays and felt there were a couple things missing in mine, so since I was at the bottom end of the word limit and it seems that the idea was well accepted, hopefully elaborating will help it. UF is my first choice and I'm really very passionate about trying to get my education there-- this has to be perfect. Any and all constructive criticism is more than welcome.
