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CALS (committed to the improvement of life) - review and advice


joshua 3 / 10  
Dec 19, 2008   #1
The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) develop leaders committed to the improvement of life. Describe how your interest and related experiences have influenced your selection of major and how CALS will help you to be a leader in your chosen field.

The sharp contrast between the remote, uncivilized village that I grew up in and the flamboyant, resourceful College of Agriculture and Life Sciences to me, is analogous to that between hell and paradise. Walking past the gates into the faculty is like boarding at train to the land of infinite possibilities of joy. Studying in the faculty is similar to exploring the hidden treasures divinely laid in the forest of science to bring them home to ornate the lives of all species and to redeem the human race from the fetters of disease and discontent.

The African village is a place of horrors and catastrophes in as much as preventable mortality due to genetic disorders is concerned. Unlike the affluent world in which excess is a challenge, the humble African dies out of lack. I have witnessed promising young man and ladies prematurely dying of diabetes, albinism and phenylketonuria. All these conditions seem benign to the developed world but they yield a good harvest at my backyard. I have since realized how much they are venerated by the common African; they are honored by sacred names of gods. To me, the great challenge ahead is to enter the forest of science and dig for the treasured solution to the diseases which will neither violate the norms of the society nor instill fear in anyone but will redress the pestilence.

I believe that need is the mother of invention. The world is in need of better drugs, better medical facilities and even better quality of human beings. To address all these problems, thorough research should be implemented and resources should be availed to support the keen hearts. Mine is an optimistic heart which will find solace in the vast resources of the CALS and which will use the opportunity to satisfy the community's hunger. I yearn to be coached by talented professionals who can attend to my needs and address them with expertise. I see myself molded by the professors of the faculty and equipped with the necessary amour to fight any obstacles along the long journey to scientific discovery and to win triumphs for lives just as our predecessors, like Watson and Crick, did on DNA.

My interest lies in understanding how the subtle signals carried on complicated protein chains in DNA instruct the coordination of the entire body through the nervous system and designing corrective measures for defected ones to normalize life. I desire to address the fatal HIV and AIDS calamity through further developments on mechanics of nucleic acids. This idea was pioneered by anti -retro viral drugs (ARV) which reduce effects but I believe cure is possible, it only needs discovery. I appreciate the immense dedication of the pioneers in the field but am still convinced that they left much for us decipher. The CALS is a place to develop me intellectually and to prepare me for the fierce challenge of practical science; it is the place where I belong.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 20, 2008   #2
Maybe you should mention you grew up in Africa in your introduction. Also, the idea that "the common African" venerates and honors diabetes and other fatal conditions seems odd, and needs further explanation. As for the grammar, there a few things you can change:

"to bring them home to ornament the lives of all species "

"the humble African dies from want "

"designing corrective measures for defective ones to normalize life.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 20, 2008   #3
Hi, I think you should remove the word flamboyant," and replace it with something better. "Flamboyant" can have negative connotations.

In addition to Sean's corrections, I suggest you change this:

I believe that need is the mother of invention.

The old saying is that "Necessity is the mother of invention." You can quote Plato, who is the one that came up with that phrase, in his Republic.

quotationspage.com/quote/33942.html
OP joshua 3 / 10  
Dec 21, 2008   #4
Hi,

Thanks guys, I appreciate your concern and I believe that i will make it. What an incredible contribution you have made.

Thanks again for advising, may you continue to diligently help the needy, as you did to me.

Sincerely,

Joshua
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 21, 2008   #5
Awesome, and thanks for all the feedback you gave other people!
gmailblows31 6 / 21  
Dec 21, 2008   #6
You guys are amazing. Who started the site and what made you guys join?
This is a great resource.
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Dec 22, 2008   #7
Thanks :). Feel free to check the FAQ section or the EssayForum Contributors page for more information.

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