Any ccomment will help A LOT!
Today, last day! Please help!
Caltech students have long been known for their quirky sense of humor and creative pranks and for finding unusual ways to have fun. What is something that you find fun or humorous? (Please limit your response to 1500 characters or less)
Have you ever play with children?, have you ever been astonished by their unlimited imagination?
I have, and I can say that it is one of the activities that bring the most fun to my life.
I am an instructor of Algebra every Saturday in a project that is called Talented Youth Program of El Salvador. I work with children between 10 to 12 years old; this is something that I do just by the pleasure of it.
Every Saturday is a new challenge for me because you cannot have a child's attention for more than a few minutes without cracking a few jokes or jumping around a little. I have had to create games to teach them while playing; I still remember the "brick factory" I made up in order to teach them in tangible way how to solve the cube of a sum of two numbers.
It turns out that everything for them to enjoy the class is also fun for me. They are full of energy, happiness, eagerness to learn and they are able to transmit that energy to all people around them. They have impregnated my days with pure fun; their hilarious jokes and naive questions during the class made me to enjoy every single moment.
Don't mean to be rude, and no hard feelings, but that's really, really boring.
I am done with this, Miss Jhopselyn! - said one of my students after finishing the final exam.Did you purposely choose not to put quotes? I suppose it's a stylistic thing.It was on december 30th, 2008;I think it would read better to say "It was December 30, 2008" and that is the proper way to write the date.it was theCan you find different words than "IT was the"? It's not very interesting and repetitive from the previous sentence end of the course Introduction to Algebra, wichwhich was part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador. After seven years of participateparticipating as a student, I experienced what is"what it was like like" to be on the other side, in the classroom but not as a student, rather as a teacher. Actually, either say "in the classroom but not as a student" OR say "what it was like to be on the other side - as a teacher" I don't think you should use both expressions. I was offered to be the instructor in the first level of this program, teaching totake out "to" children between 10 to 12Write out "ten" and "twelve" years old. I saw the perfect opportunity to reward everything I have learned until that day in that program.probably better to say "to give back everything I HAD learned in the program"
They were four weeks of pure fun.You should say "The following were four weeks of pure fun" or something. "They" is kind of weird and ambiguous.Teaching to children is such a great experience .First, take out "to' and second, this sentence has the effect of dropping a rock into a pool. It just sinks and it has no real purpose. Rather than SAYING it, try to SHOW it. "The children's energy and happiness kept me coming back each day," something like that.
They are full of energy, hapiness"happiness" , willI think "eagerness" is better or at least "willingness" to learn and they are able to transmit that energy to all people around themThis is good. You should make some relation to yourself like "they gave me energy" or "the energy they radiated was transmitted to me" or something but that's kind of a weird analogy . In those days, I tried to teach them in a funny and interesting way, because they are children and that's how you can have their attention for more than a few minutes.I don't think "in those days" is necessary and it makes it seem like you changed something in what you did later on. Also, no comma before "because" and don't say "they are children." this is obvious. Just say "because you can not have a child's attention for more than a few minutes without cracking a few jokes or jumping around a little" You should include specific details here about what you did. Did you stick your tongue out, make jokes, stick your finger up your nose? It would add flavor to the essay But it turned out that all what I did, was also a funny way to learn for me. They impregnedI have no idea what this word is supposed to be... in me teir"their" enthusiasm and their conviction of Use "to" instead of "of" never give up;no colon. You should combine the two and use a comma or make it a separate sentence but also their many jokes and naive questions during the class made me to enjoy eberyevery single moment. It was a lot of fun for me!This last line has to be strong and I think it would be a GREAT opportunity to use humor. You can say something funny but what you have right now is very NOT personal, not meaningful, and unremarkable. It is a great topic and this is the perfect opportunity to include some kind of joke.
Sorry if I was harsh but I think you need to run a lot of proofreading and just include more details about what happened and more about SHOWING that you enjoyed it, not SAYING it. :) Good luck and I know it will work out once you give it more critiques.
Besides this being poor writing (understandable if you're a math person and English is probably your second language), you don't really answer the prompt.
How are you quirky and unique?
Thank you guys!
I know it was terrible!!
It is just that I am not good with English and this essay is driving me crazy!!!
In addition, this particular prompt has been the worst for me!
Well, here is an edited version, please read it, and don't mind to be rude! I will understand!
I still have to add something at the end, I continue thinking...
READ ABOVE
It's not that poor writing.
:S what about content? how can I inprove it?
Have you ever played with children and been astonished by their unlimited imagination?
I have, and I can say that it is one of the activities that bring the most fun to my life.-----well, even though you have trouble with English, some sentences (like this one) are beautifully expressed.
...something that I do just for by the pleasure of it.
They have impregnated (no, no, anything else, but not impregnated.) my days with pure fun; their hilarious jokes and naive questions during the class made me to enjoy every single moment.
:-)
