This essay is a perfect sample of describing an accomplishment that you are proud of. It is obvious that you clearly understood what the prompt required of you and you had a clear idea of how you wanted to answer it. The experience and sense of accomplishment in relation to how it describes the person you are comes across without any question or doubt. However, I would like to point out some grammatical errors / corrections that I spotted:
I started by getting a class called health
- But somehow, I seemed to have always known that I was going to be headed for a career in the patient care field. Maybe as a doctor, maybe as a nurse. So
I started by...
in my sophomore year,
in which I don't regret now because now that...
helpful to me,
in which it taught me things
it taught me...
My first department was the PCU unit
in which I didn't know
... PCU unit.
can help me out if I ever decide to do this
, in which it gave me somewhat of an experience.
- because it gave me work
in which I liked a lot.
care of sick
baby' s that need assistance
- sick babies
if I decide
d to do this.
My first day was really
- really exciting
in which it leaved me speechless.
- a birth that left me
decided the career I wanted.
- decided on
It sure taught me being in a hospital full of cautious every day, where patients come in and out of the door, but taught me stuff I wouldn't have known if I didn't do this experience .
- The experience gave me a preview into the cautious world of hospital care that i would not have known without this opportunity.
it which is not easy but
I wanted to prove myself and everyone else
be successful in life
- and becoming
but as well as finish the career I want
- work in the career that
I want .
what I want in life but
- but I experienced
It relates to me in many ways but most importantly that I want to be
successful person and achieve my own goal in being a nurse and having a good job working at hospital helping out to bring baby's into the world.
- ... I want to be a successful person by achieving my own goal of becoming a nurse,,, bring out babies...