In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
The thought of leaving behind everything and everyone I was familiar with used to frighten me. College used to loom in my thoughts like an enormous, terrifying monster that I would not have to worry about for a long time. Now that senior year has arrived, that monster called college is quickly approaching. However, I no longer look at growing up and leaving home as a traumatic event, but rather as a brand new adventure to embark upon. The reason I now feel ready to launch into this adventure is majorly due to my experience working as a counselor-in-training this past summer.
Camp Merri-Mac, located in North Carolina, has been my summer retreat for the past seven years. As a camper, I only attended camp for two weeks per summer. This past summer, however, I spent four weeks away from Florida as a counselor-in training (also known as a CIT). While working as a CIT, I learned what responsibility means on a whole new level. Not only were my fellow CIT's and I responsible for performing the "dirty work" around camp, we were also responsible for over 300 girls whose parents entrusted in us to keep their children safe. As a CIT, I was constantly being followed and watched by young girls who looked up to me as their role model. Acting as a mature, responsible young adult was vital when working as a CIT. Just as one must learn to become independent, timely, and responsible for one's grades and lifestyle at college, I learned to become independent, timely, and responsible for my actions while at camp.
Upon returning home, I found myself acting less like a teenager, and more like a young adult. For instance, instead of requesting my mom call the school to inquire about my class schedule, I took responsibility and called myself. Also, I now participate regularly in class discussions and show leadership in my school, whereas in past years I was more likely to sit back and listen to everyone else discussing certain matters. Independence is another large aspect of becoming a college student, and by being required to rely on myself to solve problems at home.
The campus community at UF seeks out students who are responsible, hard-working leaders. My newly found confidence in myself and in others has prepared me for what lies ahead in college. The college experience, in my eyes, is intended to promote one's growth as an individual while being surrounded by and involved with many diverse groups of people. My experience as a CIT taught me how to do just that. If I were to attend UF, my contribution of integrity, leadership, independence and responsibility would greatly benefit the campus community.
This is fine but a bit dull, mostly because of your propensity for padding your sentences with extra words.
For example:
as a brand new adventure to embark upon
learned what responsibility really means on a whole new level
The college experience, in my eyes, is intended to promote one's growth as an individual while being surrounded by and involved with many diverse groups of people .
Also, this essay is all telling with no showing. An illustrative anecdote would help.
