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"my campaign" - Common Application Essay about Ketchup


tsarles 1 / 3  
Jan 1, 2010   #1
The deadline is in a few hours, so please if anyone can help me proof read this now that would be great.

Thanks!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It all boils down to this. I am the last of the candidates to make my speech - to "sell" myself. Pacing around the back of my school hall, I desperately attempt to achieve a suitable eloquence as an all too familiar name resounds in the distance. "Please welcome Charles Wang onto the stage!"

It's crunch time.

Quickly gathering the last shreds of my confidence, I take a deep breath and step onto the stage. The microphone weighs down my hand like a brick of responsibility and expectations. Slowly but surely, I open my mouth, and begin to deliver months of work in two, short-lived minutes.


It all started in the younger years of my secondary education. The cafeteria had just inducted a new product into their menus and I was dying for a taste. After a long queue, I had finally reached the counter; drooling with anticipation, I placed my order: "Sausage roll please!" I was handed a surprisingly plain-looking pastry. Casting my doubts aside, I promptly requested: "Ketchup please!" To my disdain, they did not have ketchup. I was rightfully enraged. Steadfast in my beliefs in adequate condiments with my food, I immediately brought the issue up with the Cafeteria Head. It is safe to say our school now serves ketchup.

Although infinitesimal, the change I made left me hungry for more. I marveled at the idea of being able to make a positive change - leaving my mark on a community that can be appreciated for decades to come. And as I grew, so did my ambition. Inevitably, I jumped at the opportunity when it was announced that the school was electing the new Student Council President.

Despite my enthusiasm, this was not an easy prospect. My competition was fierce to say the least; The Deputy Head Boy, The Debating Captain, The Scholarship Award Winner, and then there was me - the ketchup boy with no outstanding credentials. It was clear that I was the underdog.

However, I did possess one quality, which made me unique. This was my passion. The other candidates had already left their mark on the school; on the other hand, I had yet to, because this was what I had been waiting for, this was my opportunity. While Student Council President would be just another trophy among many for the other candidates, I knew without a doubt that would commit one hundred and ten percent to the position.

Nonetheless, the odds were stacked against me and my peers dismissed my ambition as hopeless and fanatical. I quickly became ambivalent towards my candidacy as doubts filled my head. For two grueling weeks, I battled with public and self doubt, aimlessly struggling to determine whether my pursuit was worth continuing. As I hit a breaking point, I recalled a quote from Rudyard Kipling's If, "if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you". I knew I couldn't give up that easily. Something deep down told me that if I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did.

With a newfound confidence, I mustered up all of my strength and got to work immediately. Armed with my homemade sandwich board and makeshift flag, I shamelessly paraded the school grounds while the other candidates relied on their established prestige. Soon, my persistence had paid off; I had gained large support from peers who only weeks ago were in doubt.

People still question the vast amount of time and energy I devoted to my campaign when the chance of success seemed indefinite. My response is always the same, "it's about the journey, not the destination". It was the experience of chasing a dream, overcoming obstacles and persevering against monumental odds that has changed my approach to life for the better. Assuming this potential leadership position has compelled me to aim higher, replacing my aloofness with a sense of purpose. What started out to be a simple two-minute speech has become a journey of self-realization.

Silence. The hum of the fluorescent lights.

The crowd erupts in ovation. I close my eyes and sweetly savor the sudden flood of applause. What, moments ago, was nervous anxiety, is now replaced by an embracing euphoria that I will never forget.


Two weeks later, I found myself in the same position, except this time, I was introduced as the new Student Council President.
anjello 1 / 18  
Jan 1, 2010   #2
While Student Council President would be just another trophy among many for the other candidates, I knew without a doubt that I would commit one hundred and ten percent to the position.

thats the only error i found. You did a really good job. I like how you circle back to being on stage. I think this essay is ready to be submitted
xoxsueshixox 1 / 15  
Jan 1, 2010   #3
I agree with anjello. I also liked the extensive vocab that you used in this essay.

Perhaps you can look at my essay?
OP tsarles 1 / 3  
Jan 1, 2010   #4
Thanks for the feedback guys. Bump.
keshwa01 - / 8  
Jan 1, 2010   #5
its definitely a good essay from the quick glance.
although i was a bit confused with the italics and bar separating the first two paragraphs.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 10, 2010   #6
I was handed a surprisingly plain-looking pastry.

Something great about this sentence...

Steadfast in my beliefs in the importance of a dequate...

However, I did possess one quality, which made me unique.

Yes, you do! You are one of the wordsmiths, the heroes of prose, the brilliant rhetoricians.

With a newfound confidence, I mustered up all of my strength and got to work immediately .

For you, I recommend On Writing by Stephen King. It will help you to perfect your skill!


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