"a camper" - common app essay. really horrible 1st draft.

College Essay

My contribution to the diversity in a college community is shown through my volunteering experience, affixed with my Indian heritage.
My volunteer experience at the Vraj Youth Camp in Pennsylvania helped me gain knowledge of how to be a responsible adult. Being a counselor, I had the responsibilities of helping the children with their needs such as waking them up in the morning or preparing their breakfast, lunch, or dinner. These responsibilities also help me prepare for college life if I end up having to dorm. Throughout my experience at camp, I also tried to instill in the children the various aspects and virtues of the Hindu religion that I learned while being a camper for 7 years. My understanding and familiarity with Indian culture, religion, ethics and arts could greatly add to the diverse environment of a college community.

During my 7 years as a camper at Vraj Youth Camp, I finally understood the questions that had befuddled me for the majority of my life. There was an incident at the camp during my first year as a counselor that made me realize that now it was my turn to instill in the young children as others had done before me. One of the campers asked me one day during the camp how it was when I was a camper. Being a camper all those years, I always looked forward to when I could become a counselor, like all those before me, and help the younger kids understand about religion. I finally became a counselor after my junior year in high school. This one child, barely the age of 10, asked me what it was like being a camper when I was one. I told him that being a camper was the best! I told him that it was better than being a counselor. I told the young one that while being a camper you can learn so much more about Hinduism and also have so much fun.

The diversity that I can bring to in a college community can benefit everybody to a great extent.

My potential to contribute to the diversity of a college community is shown

These responsibilities also helped me prepare for college life, in the sense that I might end up living at a dorm.

Nice essay, now wrap it up in the closing paragraph by saying something from the heart about this diversity you bring.

ive been trying to think of what to say but i cant think of any ideas. do you have any ideas?

Well, if you read about the school to which you are applying, and think of its special qualities in relation to your own special past, including this story about camp... it will be like a chemical reaction. Not only will you discover what to write but you will have a vision of the diversity you will contribute. Do you have any plans for activities that you will pursue through the college?

How about writing about your personal philosophy of life as it developed due to your past (which you just described), and how you will apply it at the college...