"car accident" Essay for applying at UCF as a transfer

Explain some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life.

As the clock struck noon, I dashed out of my seat and headed for the front doors of Lutheran North so we could catch a 12:30 movie. It was a rainy half-day of school and the roads were slick. I hopped in the back of the car and mistakenly chose to sit on the passenger side of the two-door vehicle. My friend, Anthony, was scanning the local radio stations for a good song while driving down the two lane road. Suddenly, the man in front of us slammed on his brakes after noticing the light had just turned red. Anthony looked up a second too late and cut the wheel to the left. We clipped the back right bumper of the man in front of us and turned our car about 90° to the left. Without time to react, an older man in a Jeep Grand Cherokee blew through the red light at about 60 mph and hit the passenger side of Anthony's car. Instantly, I blacked out, I remember waking up covered in blood. I could not see anything. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics picked me up and placed me on a stretcher. At the hospital, I felt embarrassed and frightened. I was naked in front of several people and thought I would never be able to see out of my right eye again. I returned to school about a week later on crutches and stiches all around my eye. I had lost a lot of self-confidence and the sad part was that I was only a freshman in the second month of school.

That first sentence is not very interesting.

It was a rainy half-day of school, and the roads were slick. ---I added a comma

My friend, Anthony, was ---Think about the experience you are trying to give the reader. Is it necessary to give the name of the friend? I think maybe not.

Use a comma for any compound sentence: The ambulance arrived, and ...

Wow, that must have been a crazy experience!!

You write very clearly, but you can add more action verbs and imagery words to intensify the reader's experience :-)

"car accident scene" - My first college essay!

Help!! I'm writing my first college essay and i am freaking out. I chose a descriptive topic, a car accident scene. I have my thesis statement but I'm having a hard time figuring out whats next and how to arrange everything. Its laid out as topic sentence of first paragraph: then it has A: supporting idea 1, etc and i have to have 3. Then concluding sentence. and thats on the instruction sheet 3 times.

Hi,
Try and write out the essay out so people can check it and help you with it that way it will be easier for you.