Care, Conserve and Change_CommonApp extracurricular essay

This is my response to the extra-curricular short-essay prompt. I thought of bringing out my organizational and musical proficiency skills. I'm not too sure about it though, so any suggestion would be most welcome.

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During my penultimate year in school, I was involved in the Arts Council. The Arts Council's duty was to organize and execute musical concerts and art shows that were to be held during the school year. As a Std. XI student, and a proficient guitar player, I was given the duty of recruiting young musicians, aged 9-12, for performance recitals. The Arts Council put together a three hour long program called C3 i.e. Care, Conserve and Change. C3 featured music and arts in symbiotic show to promote awareness of climate change and the imminent fossil fuel shortage. Since the concert involved neighboring schools, I went to each school and sought out the most passionate young musicians and environmentalists. It gave me great pleasure to help the selected 35 students create pieces of art and music which resonated with the urgency of our climatic problems. As a person who was involved from recruiting musicians to finally playing with them, i recognized the true power and spirit that these innocent children possessed. They are the force that the world depends on.

I was involved in the Arts Council - You can rephrase this as "I was a member of the Arts Council", and you can mention your role/post there.

The Arts Council's duty - Write instead "The Arts Council's objective"

As a Std. XI student, and a proficient guitar player, I was given the duty of recruiting young musicians, aged 9-12, for performance recitals. - This does not depict clearly how being a Std. XI mattered, and no abbreviations please, it simple conveys an offhand mood while writing essay. Also, you can rephrase as " I was entrusted with the task of enrolling young musicians of age between 9-12 for performance recitals."

The Arts Council put together a - The Arts Council had organized a

sought out the most passionate young musicians and environmentalists - solicited the participation/contribution of the highly enthusiastic and promising young musicians and environmentalists successfully. "sought out" can have negative connotations as "sought out in a brawl".

It gave me great pleasure to help the selected 35 students create pieces of art and music which resonated with the urgency of our climatic problems. - I was overly joyed/delighted to help the selected 35 students create pieces of art and music which resonated with the urgency of our climatic problems. Active voice makes good reading here.

They are the force that the world depends on. - Try to substitute this with something else, as this sentence does not add much value to the paragraph overall, i.e., it comes as a personalized hyperbole.

right...after reading my essay again i think it's pretty clear that it wouldn't cut it. I'm going to have to write another one or drastically change it.

Thanks anyway Subhash