I need advice on my essay. What should i add//take out? Is it up to par?
My mom, my cousin, and I were sitting in I-hop and we just ordered our food. My mom received a phone call and I could tell by her face that something was wrong. Strange enough I was just thinking about my sister and how I want to take her to Disney on ice. Then I hear my mom say "Is she ok?", and then I burst out in tears before she told me anything. When she got off the phone, she told me, my 9 year old sister was in a bad car accident coming from Ohio with her dance group. She was hit by a drunk driver. This was a setback on our relationship, and all of our lives. She would never be the same sister that I remembered. Not only was she in a fatal accident, but my mom also just got laid off from her job. My mom and I had two setbacks at once and it was hard for both of us.
I couldn't, and still can't resolve what happened to my sister, or my mother losing her job. The most I can do is help take care of her and accept the fact that she is different and try to get her back as normal as possible. As far as the financial situation, I have been looking for a job constantly and help around the house as much as I can. My aunt pays me sometime to maintain parts of her house also.
Both of these situations has affected me enormously. I had to sacrifice a lot, and go through a lot of emotional pain. All of it wasn't bad though. My mom and I got much closer and I was able to help with my sister and sort of got an idea of dealing with sick children, which is what I want to do as a career. The situations made me a more mature, stronger person as a whole. My sister and I were close even with the gap of age difference and I would do anything for her. Being unable to help her now is hard to deal with even today.
To prevent this from happening to my family and I, I work hard in school to be successful and want the best education which is why I want to attend the University of Michigan.
If I had to face something similar again, I would be extremely upset, but just like everything else I would have to adjust and deal with it.
"To prevent this from happening to my family and I, I work hard in school to be successful and want the best education which is why I want to attend the University of Michigan."
No offence, but I don't understand how this is related to BOTH your setbacks, and if it only relates to not getting laid off, why did you even include the part about your sister? U of M admissions officers want to know more about the way you think, so maybe you should elaborate more on how everything is linked together...otherwise the whole essay just seems like a random collection of statements.
