The palm of my hand sweats as he holds my hand. Anyone who was close by could hear the different beats my heart was creating at each pace. As we walked towards the unknown door, the rate increased. He turns the door knob, and I witness unfamiliar faces. The bright light practically blinds my sight, the fresh smell of crayons intoxicants me, and the box of animal cracker just made my stomach digest the vomit that was waiting to be released. I wipe my eyes with my other hand to take a better glance. The adrenaline was breath taking. Who would have thought that education can stimulate a 5year old? This is the same feeling I will like to experience when I participate in the CARE program. I will like to wake-up, motivated knowing that the CARE program will offer me with essential academic skills I'll need to complete my courses.
Along with this, I'll feel more comfortable in a classroom full of different sorts of personalities. The class will not be so boring but, alive with several qualities. It goes back to my 1st day of school at Larkdale Elementary. Kids from around the world filled Ms. Noodle's classroom. I was intimidated at first but later embraced the style they brought into the room. Being in a room with various characteristics makes the learning environment interesting. Which I know, this will happen if I am added into the Care program.
The other day I was reading about the CARE program on the internet and it read that the CARE program provides some benefits. One of the benefits read "...staff and upper class students will serve as counselors and guides during the summer." This caught my attention because I will want to be cared about not nursed around like a baby. I like knowing that someone will sit down, ask questions, and be concern about me. Reminds me when, Ms. Noodles sat down with me and taught me the alphabets while the other kids laughed. Ms. Noodles cared just like the CARE program will do the same. I remember that moment as if it was yesterday. And I will like to add the CARE program journey into this memory lane.
I regain all my senses as my Dad lets go of my hand. I shed a tear before he place a kiss on my forehead. I looked up and notice Ms Noodle's genuine smile. This was a new beginning an event I will never forget. I hope to experience this same feeling while I participate in the CARE program and I acquiring knowledge.
Good evening.
As the prompt for this response was not included in the posting, I can only make grammatical and mechanical suggestions.
First, make sure you stay with one tense throughout the whole piece; if you start out in past tense, don't switch to present tense a quarter of the way through the essay.
Second, if you are capitalizing the whole word of the program, stay consistent with that throughout the essay as well; don't decide not to capitalize it once halfway through.
Third, I am concerned about word usage. To help with this, I suggest one of the books from the "Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers" series written by Stephen Reid. You can pick any of them up cheap used, or get them from the library. I think there are six in the series now, and any of them would help you here.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Can you please correct my errors and grammatical errors?
I can give you an example of what I see, but it is up to you to make your corrections so that you learn from experience.
"This is the same feeling I would like to experience when I participate in the CARE program."
"This caught my attention because I want to be cared about, not nursed around like a baby. I like knowing that someone will sit down, ask questions, and be concerned about me."
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
