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What are your career goals and how do you expect your education at The Art Institute of Pittsburgh..


rachaelspelic 1 / -  
May 25, 2016   #1
Ever since I was young I always knew what I wanted to do with my life. Like the letter I wrote myself in the fifth grade, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher because I have always had a passion for younger children. Which lead me to pursuing that dream and attending school for early childhood education. What I didn't know at the time was I had an even bigger passion. A passion that made work turn into a hobby. Interior design is my passion and dream.

As I was sitting at home watching my favorite television channel, HGTV, I though to myself that maybe I can start my dream by transforming my families home to see if I truly love interior design. I started off with painting the rooms of the house to picking out new accessories to go along with that room. By the time I was done with one room I immediately thought about what room I wanted to do next. This was my passion that I cannot stop pursing.

I strongly believe that pursing my education at The Art Institute of Pittsburgh will not only prepare me for a degree in interior design but giving me the skills and tools I need for everyday life. Outside of my courses being the number one priority, the one thing that I can do to benefit my education is to get involved and participate in extra curricular activities. I want will be dedicated to both my education and my student life while attending The Art Institute. Here at The Art Institute I want to learn about the different styles that individuals have and to create a portfolio to show that I got what it takes.

I want to learn the skill that I need for the next chapter in my life and I believe that The Art Institute of Pittsburgh can provide not only me with those skills but every student. I am a dedicated student and will succeed as an interior design student.
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
May 25, 2016   #2
Hi rachaelspelic, I would like to give you suggestions for some gramatical issues

Ever since I was young I always knew what

I suggest you to put coma as the formula is since SV, SV.
so the sentence should be Ever since I was young, I always knew what

I have always had a passion for younger children

Are you sure with article a before passion?

passion for younger children.

This is really bad grammar, I suggest you to rewrite this

What I didn't know at the time

What I did not know

need for everyday life.

I suggest you to use some expression for this sentence. For example, On the other hand, extraculicular activities would ......

I want will be dedicated to both my education

I will dedicate myself..... (be careful to use passive voice)

I want to learn the skill that I need ...

I suggest you to make unforgetable conclusion by state that you will benefit the institution by being student there

I hope it will help you and do not forget to give this a thumb
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 25, 2016   #3
Hi Rachel, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family.
When I first joined EF, it was an incredible feeling, to find a website that is, practicality noted, absolutely free, then I found out I can actually help students and writers alike in coming up with an even better essay, even further, enhance it, in order to strengthen and show the writer or student, what else can be done in the essay or writing task and I hope you do the same.

Now, I would like to share my side of your essay.

- Ever since I was youngAs a kid, I always
- because I have always had a
- passion for younger children.
- WhichThis ledlead me to
- pursuingpursue that dream
- was, (don't forget your punctuation marks ) I had

- I thought to myself that maybe
- accessories to gothat goes along with that room. - This was myis the passion that I cannot stop pursing.want to pursue.

There you have it Rachel, as you can see, after the revision, the essay tend to be stronger, the ideas are even lighter and the logic of your thoughts are clearer that when it started. Please don't be confuse with the tenses that you use in your sentences, once an action is done in the past of course it's a past tense and vice versa, now when the tricky part comes, the action is done in the current state, it still follows the present tense. I hope this is useful.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 25, 2016   #4
Hi Rachel, I believe you posted this essay already and it is not necessary for you to pos it again on a different criteria. Once you posted the essay, you should wait for the response of the contributors and the EF editors in order to see the enhancements of the essay. I understand that you are new to this forum and I would be more than happy to provide you with the guidelines of this Forum.

Though it is not a violation, avoid posting the project more than once, know the criteria of your essay in order to avoid any confusion, we will definitely provide you with the most accurate feedback as well as constructive criticisms.

Furthermore, in writing an essay, don't be confused with the purpose of the essay, first of all, understand the purpose, know your source and let your ideas flow into the essay. You have EF to back you up and help you in enhancing your essay. As mentioned, I made the corrections on the previous post that you have, with the same prompt and I hope you follow through. Should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here for you.
13williamsm 4 / 8  
May 25, 2016   #5
I strongly believe that pursing my education at [...] create a portfolio to show that I got what it takes.

Here you need to elaborate it's very vague you could do any of these things at another art institute. So, why Pittsburg?I would skim website/check alumni, and include specifics that pertain to the university. Honestly, that what colleges look for and it shows you've done your research.


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