Well, you ought to mention that thing. Else how are we supposed to know which "the tooth" you are talking about?
Maybe mention something like "I played with my broken tooth so often that it was later replaced by a crooked tooth, like that of a vampire(
to add a little humor) ."
I had noticed many people I met staring at my tooth, so I found it necessary to tell them the story behind it, and this ended up being the way I met many new friends.
Long and clumsy. My suggestion: "People often stared at my tooth. So, I could not stop myself from telling them the story behind it; and this ended up being the way I made many new friends."
During the first days of school, I was very reserved; until someone asked me about my tooth. As I told the story more often, it became more vivid in my mind and I got better at telling the tale
During the initial days of my new(I suppose) school, I remained reserved, until someone asked me....As I ....mind and I got better at narrating the little tale of my own.
Having moved to so many different schools I have become accustomed to meeting new people and introducing myself. My tooth has liberated my initial timidity
so many different!!!...make it just " having switched to many schools".Comma after schools...liberated
me from my intial timidity.
Many comma splices throughout.
In school
comma my communication...
and now I am not afraid to stand behind my beliefs as a result of past experiences
rephrase it.
Being exposed to many different people and having lived in many different areas has allowed me to become very adaptable and very at ease with people.
again many different!....that too twice in the same line!!..avoid it. very adaptive and very at ease...You quite frequently abuse "many" and very".
I have enjoyed joining the Heart and Stroke Foundation and also functioned as the publicity person, coordinating all the details for special events. For this club, I helped raise money through various sports tournaments including basketball, volleyball, and badminton. I ensured that there was ample participation and that rules were followed during the tournaments. We raised approximately $2,500 dollars for cancer research from a Hoops-for-Heart basketball tournament. This was one of the most successful events I helped orchestrate.
This does not flow with the rest of your essay. Stress on how your communication skills helped you in the club.
I enjoyed your essay :)
HElp me with mine