Prompt: Why are you interested in Carleton and how did your interest develop?
Is this a good start to my essay?
Today is October 27, 2015. I have tried multiple times before today to write this essay. Thirty minutes of staring at my computer screen has passed, and I am still working on my first sentence of this Carleton Supplemental essay. Frustratingly I have not been able to muster up the correctly formed groups of words known as sentences to describe what makes Carleton my dream school, so that I may be admitted. With that being said, I am going to just write, focusing in on my love for the school instead of forming elaborate, eloquently written sentences, and see what happens. Although this essay may be a messy, and imperfect, I am excited to see where it takes me. I have learned honesty and perfection is found most in unplanned moments that often seem imperfect and messy.
Monday, July 20, 2015, does not seem like a very important day, but I want to mention five interesting and somewhat important events that happened on this day:
1) Godfather actor Alex Rocco dies at the age of 79
2) A 21-year-old man identified as Edenilson Steven Valle drowned in the backyard pool of actress Demi Moore.
3) Drought-plagued California gets record July rains
4) Greek bank branches open again after being shut down for three weeks after the country failed to make a massive debt payment.
5) I, Anna Kellam, am introduced to the QuestBridge program.
Assumedly, this essay will not pertain to the first four events I mentioned, but rather the last one for it has dramatically impacted my life and is the reason I have discovered Carleton. Upon learning about QuestBridge, I immediately began researching all thirty six partner schools. Carleton first caught my attention, because of its size, location, and beautiful campus, but as my research and knowledge of the school increased, I began to love the school for a plethora of reasons. Every review I would read on niche or cappex, or youtube video I would watch on carletoncollege's channel, I would find another unique thing that I admired about the school. From its quirky traditions, to its unique semester plan, and the cohesive, supportive environment that the school possesses, I slowly began to fall in love with the school, and everything new that I learn makes my love grow deeper and deeper for Carleton.
For a why this college essay, you should focus on what you want in a school (other than size, location, reputation or the weather) and how do they fit that. You should be talking about classes, activities, professors, etc. Also, talk about qualities about you and how the school matches you well. Why exactly do you want to go there? Be very specific.
I would not recommend beginning with the introduction you have. Never talk about the college application itself on a college essay (unless it's extremely witty or unique, which I can guarantee, won't be for most students). I got barely anything about why you enjoy and love Carleton. I can replace Carleton with another school's name and it would still make sense for most schools, which indicates that your essay is too vague and too general. Like kerry2654 mentioned, list the specifics and WHY it is a match for you. Make sure to emphasize why its appeals to YOU personally.
Anna, your statement doesn't respond to the prompt at all. The way that you have it written at the moment tells me that the reviewer is not even going to get past the first sentence before he decides to stop reading this essay. Your focus was not on the prompt at all so you need to write a totally new response.
Here is my advice. Do some research to help you respond to the question. Get to know the university, its campus, the course offerings, class curriculum in relation to your chosen major, and the extra curricular activities that are available there. Take note of the impressive information that you may find or learn about. Make a list of the reasons that you want to attend the university.
After you complete your list, write a draft of the essay. Within the draft, represent the academic interest that you have in the university (classes you want to attend, professors you want to work with, internships, other related programs...) as your opening statement. After that, talk about the community that comprises the student campus. What activities do you look forward to participating in? Maybe there are clubs or organizations that caught your eye during your research, talk about how you would like to join those activities and why. Finally, make sure to create a connection between the university mission and objectives and your own principles in life. These are normally the responses that applicants are expected to present when responding to these prompts. The idea, is to tell the reviewer how familiar you are with the university in order to show that you are not a whimsical applicant.
Anna, I'm afraid I have to agree with the other contributors, the essay doesn't correspond with the prompt.
To answer your question if this is a good essay to start, the answer is no, it's not.
Sad to say, the beginning of the essay doe not have any material that will lead you to the correct response to the essay.
Here are a few guidelines for you to come up with a better essay.
- what do you know about Carleton
- what are your academic background
- with this academic background what do you hope to take in Carleton
- what does Carleton have that sets it apart from the rest of the universities that you have seen
- in line with your personal goals, what can you contribute to the institution
- is there any ideas that you think will be beneficial to the institution
This are just a few guidelines that I think will help you come up with a better essay, I hope you follow through and post it here on EF so we can help you further.
