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Carnegie Mellon University (the reputation and economics)


wongxy 14 / 53  
Dec 28, 2008   #1
I hope it's not too dull. o.o I don't really know how to liven up an essay like this. :S

Prompt: Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

The first thing that struck me about Carnegie Mellon was the reputation that the university has earned for the courses it offers. The next was the vibrant culture the school has, evident from the traditions it upholds each year. The hardware and software of the school seems to be able to give me the holistic overseas university experience that I am looking for, which is why I choose Carnegie Mellon.

Economics has become increasingly important to me over the years. Having witnessed the mess the global economy is currently in, I realized that the impact of a deteriorating economy is more problematic and immediate than most other crises. When the dust of this global crisis settles, economists worldwide will be playing a whole new ball game. It would be up to the new-age economists then to inject vibrancy into the world's economy. I thrive on challenges, which is why I love and want to pursue economics further.

Though economics boils most things down to logic and numbers, I began to realize that it was not as cold as I thought it to be. When I learned more about it in junior college, I saw that economics has softer edges like achieving social optimality and equity. It takes care of people as much as their nations. Being a person who wants to make a difference in the world, I find that economics suits me.

I chose Carnegie Mellon because it offers me an economics degree jointly offered by the Tepper School of Business and the College of Humanities and Social Sciences. This is unlike other schools, which only opens up its school of business to exclusive students. Thus, I feel that Carnegie Mellon would be able to provide and allow its students access to a more extensive database of resources. This will greatly enhance my education there.

Besides, Carnegie Mellon allows me to pursue an additional major in policy and management under the department of decision science. Since Carnegie Mellon is the first university to offer such a major, I believe that the experience the professors have in this field and the improvements that this program has undergone would surpass those of other universities. This is of great significance to me as I plan to work for Singapore's Urban Redevelopment Authority as a development control urban planner, which requires me to analyze and evaluate development proposals. Hence, by effectively learning about decision-making processes, I would be able to settle in my future career more easily.

Moreover, I like the fact that Carnegie Mellon expresses its concern for the environment. Studying geography in high school has made me feel very strongly for environmentalism. There is so much to be appreciated of our surroundings that I feel the need to protect it. Hence, I am keen on becoming a Carnegie Mellon Eco-Rep to do my part to sustain the environment as best as I can.

Carnegie Mellon also has a wide array of student activities that interest me. I am particularly interested in joining the Activities Board so that I can learn more about event management. Meanwhile, I would like to be in a position that would allow me to be on the frontline of contributing to my school. This is because I spent most of my high school senior years contributing to the community, so I want to achieve a balance between serving my school and my society now.

The sense of belonging and warmth that Carnegie Mellon has established throughout the years is something that I hope to be given to feel, to create, and to maintain as a student there. After all, a school is like a home to me, especially since I am an international student. Quality education aside, I believe that Carnegie Mellon has the makings to be my second home, a home where I wish to spend the next four years of my life in.

Linnus 6 / 89  
Dec 28, 2008   #2
"The hardware and software of the school seems to be able to give me the holistic overseas university experience that I am looking for, which is why I choose Carnegie Mellon."

What is "the hardware and software of the school"?

"It would be up to the new-age economists then to inject vibrancy into the world's economy."

I believe this would sound better "It would be up to the new-agegeneration of economists then to inject vibrancy into the world's economy

"Though economics boils most things down to logic and numbers,"

I don't think this is true.

"This is unlike any other schools, which only opens up its school of business to exclusive students."

I'm not sure what this means. Tepper is a highly selective and renown business school.

"The sense of belonging and warmth that Carnegie Mellon has established throughout the years is something that I hope to be given to feel, to create, and to maintain as a student there."

Also the first half of the sentence sounds awkward, perhaps grammatically wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.

Overall impression: The essay sounds choppy. Try to connect all the ideas together in a logical order. But I'm also a student, so I'm not sure exactly how much my impression is worth.

Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Dec 28, 2008   #3
The first thing that struck me about Carnegie Mellon was the reputation that the university has earned for the (maybe many and/or diverse?)courses it offers.

The hardware and software of the school seem able to give me the holistic overseas university experience that I am looking for, which is why I choose Carnegie Mellon.

It would be up to the new-age economists then, to inject vibrancy into the world's economy.

This is unlike other schools, which only open their school of business to exclusive students.

Thus, I feel that Carnegie Mellon would be able to provide its students access to a more extensive database of resources. This will greatly enhance my education there.

There is so much to be appreciated of our surroundings that I feel the need to protect it. Hence, I am keen on becoming a Carnegie Mellon Eco-Rep to do my part in sustaining the environment as best as I can.

This is because I spent most of my high school senior year contributing to the community, so I want to achieve a balance between serving my school and my society now.

Quality education aside, I believe that Carnegie Mellon has the makings to be my second home, a home where I wish to spend the next four years of my life.

:)
qzhang 2 / 2  
Dec 28, 2008   #4
it sounds good but doesn't flow well make it connect better.
OP wongxy 14 / 53  
Dec 29, 2008   #5
ok i'll make better transitions then. thanks :)


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