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"Catch! basketball game!" - common app


issallme5 2 / 35  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Hey guys! I tried doing a flashback in my second paragraph but tried doing it in present tense...bu it sounds weird. can you guys help me???

The silence wakes me. My hand awkwardly touches the huge bandage on my left eye. My right eye hesitantly darts from my hospital gown to my sleeping parents slumped over my bed to the painfully bright lamp lights. I shut my eye again, feeling nauseous. What's happened to me?

It must have been the basketball game. "Catch!" Jenny Chu shouts as she thrust the ball. Thunk! I stand frozen, waiting for the rattling and dizziness in my head to fade away. But everything becomes even more confusing and the gym is filled with the distant echoes of indistinct voices which fade away. If I had known that being smacked on the head could cause retinal detachment, or blindness, I would have somehow twisted around and caught the ball. I wish I had caught that ball.

I open my eye again. I glance out the window to the bright Seoul city night vibrant with Christmas lights and honking cars. (and it goes on)

prince_johri 3 / 14  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
i think i have read yours before.. i dont see any mistakes. I like the use of details and imagry it has.. good job!
OP issallme5 2 / 35  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
Anybody else?? Guys is it okay to go from past tense to present tense back to past???


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