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My Catholic childhood and those weekly classes- UC Prompt #1


adrianpzamora 2 / 4 1  
Nov 15, 2012   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Please provide feedback on my essay. What should I change? Add? Remove?

Everyone has had that phase in their childhood when their parents had tried to force upon them different talents and hobbies: piano lessons, martial arts, ballet, etc. There are some who take those talents to heart and grow up continuing to practice and improve on them, but numerous people end up loathing them. Although I wasn't taught how to play an instrument or trained in Karate, there was one thing I grew tired of during my childhood, and that was religion. All my life I have been raised as a Catholic, and ever since I was a little boy my family taught me about God, Jesus, and his creation. They sent me to several different Catholic schools in the Philippines where singing and praying were parts of our daily routine. They also taught me how to pray the rosary and drove me to pray every night before I went to sleep and every morning when I woke up. As the years went by, however, all those things became nothing more than a hassle to me.

Sunday became the day I enjoyed the least, not because the weekend came to a close, but because I had to attend an almost-two-hour-long mass. Some Sundays were relatively more interesting, I had to admit, when the priest discussed topics that caught my attention. However, those Sundays only occurred once every few months. Basically, I disliked Sundays. Catholic School was the same story as I also had to attend mass, but on different days. However, those days were more enjoyable since I spent them with my classmates. There was just something about being with friends that made even the most boring activities a lot more fun. Years later, at the end of my sixth grade year, I moved to another country. I was ecstatic about my first year of school in California, especially having found out that I didn't have to attend Catholic School (mostly because my parents couldn't afford to send me to expensive private schools). However, I was still enrolled into small, once-a-week kind of lectures for 4 years at our local church where we read parts of the Bible and discussed them afterwards. They weren't as bad as the actual Catholic school experience, but they were still dreadfully uninteresting.

During my freshman year of High School, however, my views were altered. On one weekend, I set out to the Santa Cruz Retreat Center for my church with about a hundred fellow classmates whom I had already met in public school. I expected the trip to be incredibly boring and for the first time, I couldn't wait for Sunday to come. Little did I know that I would quickly take back these words. It was one of the most unforgettable weekends I had ever experienced in my life. We, as a group, prayed together, held hands, and talked openly about deep topics of life. I felt closer to God than I have ever been. It was different from my previous weekly classes where we read from a book and had discussions (during which I had daydreamed about other random things) about its meanings. However, after the retreat I saw those weekly classes in a different light, took them more seriously, and realized that they weren't as boring as I thought they were. I also learned the importance of having close friends as a secondary family.

As I approach the end of my High School career and transition into College, I hope to maintain my connection with God and make new bonds with new friends. After all, life isn't much fun when you don't have anyone to spend it with.
Songkong 4 / 8  
Nov 15, 2012   #2
first of all, i enjoyed your essay and your theological struggle.
I would advise you to add more details of that magical retreat that made you change your mind about something you loathed your whole life.

In addition, more information and elaboration of your discovery and what you learned could better highlight your character.
Also, be sure to answer the part about how this background has molded your dreams and aspirations for the future.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 15, 2012   #3
There are some who take those talents to heart and grow up continuing to practice and improve on them, but numerous peoplemany end up loathing them.

Although I wasn't taught how to play an instrument or trained in Karate,forced to learn such things that were not in my interest , (you mentioned these activities in the previous sentence; so this sounds repetitive) there was one thing I grew tired of during my childhood, and that was religion.

Catholic School was the same story as I also had to attend mass, but on different days. However, those days were more enjoyable since I spent them with my classmates.

------------ I feel this is a bit too descriptive; put everything together and make it one sentence:
It was almost the same scenario in my Catholic school too where I had to attend mass regularly though it was not as bad as my general Sunday experience because I had my classmates around.

There was just something about being with friends that made even the most boring activities a lot more fun.

-------- I dont understand whay you mean; I feel you better rephrase it

Years later, at the end of my sixth grade year , I moved to another country.

-------- I suggest you to start a new para with this sentence... this is an important milestone in your life; Also leave one blank line between the paras to improve presentation of your essay : )

Overall, I think you've done a real good job! Good Luck!
OP adrianpzamora 2 / 4 1  
Nov 24, 2012   #4
Thank you so much for your feedback! I have a question, though. Would it be considered plagiarism if I used the changes you made?
sushiwrap 3 / 16 12  
Nov 25, 2012   #5
Even if it is, I give you full permission to use any and all corrections.
Donesaur 2 / 2  
Nov 27, 2012   #6
This essay is very meaningful and I can really relate to it as it also happened to me. Although, like some have already posted, you should put more emphasis and tell us more about your retreat in Santa Cruz. It's the event that have mostly changed your views so it may prove it interesting to expand on it!
OP adrianpzamora 2 / 4 1  
Nov 27, 2012   #7
This is close to my final draft. Please critique! Does it answer the prompt? Does it show who I am?

Having been raised as a Catholic in the Philippines my entire life, I was always surrounded with teachings about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. As soon as I was able to, my parents sent me to various Catholic schools, where singing hymns, reading verses, and reciting prayers were part of my daily routine. Year after year went by, and despite the good intentions, I began to loathe Catholicism's monotony. I simply could not put up with having to go through the rituals of a catholic life day by day. Where others found peace and harmony, I only found boredom and indifference.

At the end of sixth grade, I moved to the United States. I was ecstatic about starting my new Californian academic career, especially after discovering that I was not going to be enrolled into a Catholic school. Coming from a Catholic family, I still attended weekly lectures at the local church, but not being entirely immersed in the presence of the Almighty was something that I was actually grateful for. It seemed as if my own prayers were finally being realized.

During my freshman year of high school, however, something occurred that would change my perspective on my now, almost lost religion. For the entirety of a weekend I went on a field trip with my church to the Santa Cruz Retreat Center. Where I expected the trip to be dull and reminiscent of my past experience with the Church, I was truly surprised as to what became of it.

What started out as an awkward meeting slowly became the forging of new, profound bonds. As the first night progressed, I found myself enjoying the once "boring" activities and even began participating full-heartedly. We gathered around a bonfire, held hands, prayed together, and talked openly about the many aspects of life. The night continued and so did the rest of the trip, and before I knew it I had come to accept my religion as an important part of my life. Weeks before, I had only viewed my classmates as just that: classmates, but without realizing it, I had developed deep connections and made everlasting memories with my fellow retreaters.

I soon realized that the source of my distaste for Catholic-related activities was my own close-mindedness. I was so focused on what was "fun" and "exciting" in my mind that I lost sight of the ultimate purpose of being enrolled into those classes, to grow as a person by sharing good times with and learning from other people. Religion is no longer a static part of my life. Where once it was forced and a burden on my shoulders, it is become one of the many components that I incorporate into my kind and empathetic personality.
toeknee692 2 / 2  
Nov 27, 2012   #8
I really enjoyed the idea and the way you wrote it. There a minor mistakes:
- Change "boring" to something less negative, like uninteresting.
- Put "fun" and "exciting" as one word, or something like that.


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