Propmpt:How did you get caught.
My experience allowed me to combine 3 pompts of Uchicago. Threfore it is so long.Could you help with deleting some paragraphs... All kind of feedback would be very helpful. Please be harsh with this essay.
When I look at my 7th grade students, they always remind me myself. They are so naïve about mathematical competitions. They think that they would leave friends forever, but harsh competition will make some of them sworn enemies, like me and Shynar. I always try to instill in them the true purpose of mathematics in their life, as my middle school teacher tried to. However history repeats: they would like to hear about only future medals and fame. Therefore they should obey the rules of new game ,which called "pursuit of fame"
At math classes I found my best friend, Shynar. We could talk about particular problem for hours. She was a person I could tell all my secretes and fears. But our friendship cracked when our teacher told us about our final goal ,qualifying into International mathematical Olympiad. Everyone was fascinated by this news, because qualifying into IMO was comparable to qualifying into Olympic games for a professional athlete. However there was one small problem: only 6 students out of 2,000 would be qualified. As every mathematician wanted to devote his/her life to math, qualifying was thought to be the indicator of that devotion.
It was beginning of the race, race against the time. I used to get up at 6 a.m. even on Sundays to solve problems from artofproblemsolving.com. Fear of failure and desire for fame made everyone to work as hard as possible. After each failure the same thought always hit my head:"Had I solved that problem, I would have gotten gold... I knew the idea of that problem.. . Again silver... When I get gold..." . At the same time Shynar almost always got gold medals. I was desperate because I worked as hard as she did, but I could not mobilize my mind at the competition. Disdain for Shynar started to accumulate in my mind. The meaning of my life for following 2 years was to defeat her.
At that time I did not care about anything else. I did not care about teachers who blamed me for dropping school's rank at National Olympiad. I did not care about principal who praised Shynar whenever possible. I always answered "no" to my friend offers to go to the movie. I became introverted ;the only thing I knew was solving math problems.
When Shynar rested on laurels after another successful Olympiad, I worked even harder to use that appropriate moment. At the end of the 10th grade I defeated her at 3 math competitions. I thought myself as a hero, because I got what I wanted for so many years.
After returning home, I could not see Shynar for a one month. When I asked her friends, they told that she is in the hospital because of the kidney insufficiency. I remembered that she had a chronic kidney illness. Her friends said that she went to hospital because of the depression.
I was shocked. I did not know what to do . I ran into her hospital, but I could not enter her room. I knew that I was guilty for her sufferings. When I looked at the mirror near her room I failed to see benevolent boy, who used to make only justified things. Instead I saw an evil who was ready to do everything to get another medal for his collection. I saw an evil who forgot the meaning of the word friendship. I failed to see Birzhan who did math because of fidelity to the science. I was caught be extreme desire for fame.
From that time I refuted rules of that game. I again started to do math for the sake of the passion. I again started to hang out with my friends. I lost fear of failure and desire for fame.
I started to participate in debate clubs. I approached the most beautiful girl in the school. Of course I failed , but it was better than predicting what would be if I approached her.
After Shynar returned to school she quited math class, I did the same thing. However I returned in 11th grade to made my dream come true. Eventually, after infinite number of Olympiads, I was qualified to 50th International Mathematical Olympiad. However, when I had been awarded with bronze medal, my pride was weakened by the regret for past egoistical actions
It took me a painful and tedious path to comprehend nuances of that game. I realized that process of achieving was more important than achievement itself. Now I am ready to apply my experience in future games like Putnam, IMC and ACM.
Thank you in advance
it seems that I failed to adress the topic appropriately, because I did not clearly understand meaning of the word "get caught".
Could you explain me a bit?
For instance can I say?:
I was caught in "competition trap"
or...
I was caught by my extreme desire for fame?
should I clarify by whom I was caught?
