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"caught in the porch by my dad, with my boyfriend" - my most embarrasing moment


natacha 2 / 9  
Oct 15, 2010   #1
hello please save my life .im taking english comp 1
and i did that essay the professor returned me the paper she says i have to use stronger english.and make it look better please help me to rewrite it in good english.all of you guys thank you.

I was caught in the porch by my dad,with my boyfriend when I was 16.And just by writing this down I feel the same shame ,pain ,humiliation embarras just like it was happen yesterday.

I was still liviing with my Dad at the age 16.we were best friends. Two in the house,he trusted me,loved me,cherished me.As the matter of fact,i was his unique , daughter.He never tought that I had boyfriend,but I had one .When he is working ,i had my boyfriend coming over ,so we can spend time together,laugh,play ,talk about our future and so on.One day I knew that he was as often at work.

My boyfriend showed up as usually because of course we both knew my father's schedule.We were sitting at the porsh kissing.Our eyes were closed, when a huge,big mad voice scared us,interrupt us saying :<<oh no no no thats not my natacha ,God tell me iam dreaming.Not my only ,lovely daughter,not the little girl that I have raised .>>We both were shaking.We din't know what to say ,what to do.We were looking at each other not sure if my dad caught us for real.It seemed a dream for me specially.I started to panick.I felt so embarras.My dad was right.what the hell I was doing here said i.Din't he tell me to wait until I was 26 before to start dating?What was wrong with me?

More over,my dad reaction became worst.He was yelling at my boyfriend saying :<<wait and see what you're going to get:>>I said to him,dad what are you going to do?No I wont let you hit him.Why would you do that?No that' s not going to happen.On the other hand, I heard the voice of johny saying:<i love her ,I love her, I will marry her when we become mature.And my dad said no u're a lier, a user, a bad boy. That is all what you are.i'm going to tell your parents what you're doing to my daughter.thus he pushed my boyfriend from his behind ,and he felt on a big roc, that left a big scar under his right eyes until now.That is when I felt such pain. I had heartache ,I cried ,I cried and I cried.I was looking at him on the floor bleeding and he was saying baby no matter what happen to me, I will still love you.If ur dad kill me today because of my love for you ,i willl not regret it.It was really painful for me to deal with that sad situation.I became more and more embarassiong.

finally my dad calm down .He felt sorry for what he did and he was begging for my boyfriend pardon.We both drove him my dad and I,johny to the hospital in emergency.The tree of us were crying .My dad knew what he did was wrong.And arriving at the nursing station ,the nurses was surprise to see that big whole on Johny's face. He ask him:<<gentleman what happen to you ?.do u fall?>>As we bothy were standing in front of the nurse, my boyfriend and I din't know what to answer. I looked at him he looked at me ,and finally he said, our dad discipline me for messing up with his only daughter.Indeed I deserved it.We all cracked up,and the nurse give a dirty look at my dad who was sitting at the lobby with his hand on his chin almost shy.so the nurse drove to the 3thrd floor to take care of him.That's when I felt humiliated.

After all,we were celebrating our 8 years old son birthday . It was in december, my dad was invited.and suddenly my son says to his father:<dad is this our dog who bites you on the face?if yes we need to get rid of it.I can replace it by a horse.I almost cholked .I was more and more embarassing.I looked at

dad and johny and the 3 of us were laughing.Our son din't understand why,but his childish question sent all of us back to the pass.Its been twelve years now.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 18, 2010   #2
use stronger english

I hope the teacher gave more instructions than this! Did s/he make any specific corrections? If so, please tell me about one of them.

My dad caught me with my boyfriend on the porch when I was 16. And just by writing this down I feel the same shame, pain, humiliation, and embarrassment, just as if it had happened yesterday.

Practice typing this sentence 10 times, and speak it aloud so that your brain remembers.

He never thought (use a spell checker!) that I had boyfriend,but I had one.----- So what?! A lot of 16 year olds have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is natural and normal for people to be attracted to each other.

When he is working ,i had my boyfriend coming over ,so we can could spend time together, laugh, play, talk about our future, and so on.-----I added some commas.

My boyfriend showed up as usual because of course we both knew my father's schedule.

We were sitting at the porsh porch, kissing. Our eyes were closed, when a huge,big mad voice scared us,interrupt us, saying: "Oh, no, no, no, thats not my Natacha, God tell me I am dreaming. Not my only, lovely daughter, not the little girl that I have raised."

We both were shaking.We din't didn't know what to say ,what to do.

It seemed a dream for me especially .

I started to panick.I felt so embarrassed .

My dad was right. "What the hell I was doing here?" I said .

Din't he tell me to wait until I was 26 before to start dating?What was wrong with me?"

Moreover, my dad's reaction became worse.

Capitalize the first word of each sentence:
Thus he pushed my boyfriend from his behind ,and he felt on a big roc, so that a big scar appeared under his right eyes and remained until now.

The three of us were crying .My dad knew what he did was wrong.And arriving at the nursing station, the nurses were surprised to see that big whole was on Johny's face.

After all, we were celebrating our 8 year-old son's birthday.

Capitalize Johny, capitalize December.

I don't think anyone waits until age 26 to start dating. Anyway, I'm glad you all get along now. Practice each correction I made! Practice 10 times typing each correct sentence. Speak the sentence aloud, too, and you will remember the correct grammar.
OP natacha 2 / 9  
Oct 22, 2010   #3
Hi Kevin.thank you for helping me with the essay.i took exactly ur advice.for example capitalise all the letters after each sentence.rewrite it just as u ask me to do.And today i

gave it to my teacher she said thats exactly what she wanted from me.she also says that my essay has a good struture now,its clear and i had a b+so thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu kevin.ill help other people as well who needs my help from the site.thanks!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 26, 2010   #4
.ill help other people as well who needs my help from the site.

Great! I need a lot of help making sure everyone gets help.

Can you think of 3 or 4 new ideas you gained from making the corrections? I mean, did you learn anything you did not already know? I'm just curious...
OP natacha 2 / 9  
Nov 1, 2010   #5
yes i have learn alot.first how to punctuate.2nd ,the importance of using the capital letter,in BEGGINING SENTENCE,AND THE VERB TENSE I SHOULD USE ACCORDING WHAT I AM SAYIING.
anb_duck /  
Nov 1, 2010   #6
I saw that you made a lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes. Besides, you should learn more about connective words such as thus, however, nevertheless, etc. It will make your essay stronger in any way.
OP natacha 2 / 9  
Nov 7, 2010   #7
ok thank ill work on my grammar,and ill try to apply the transitional words in my essay so it makes sens to you and others .once again thank you


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